Me and my boyfriend have been talking about marriage and he once asked me to marry him and we went to get a marriage license but we still have not set a date and he keeps putting it off to another date. Does he seem like he he will ever get married to me or am I just wasting my time? Yes he gave me ring. But he never really asked me as though he was ready. It seemed more along the lines as if he wanted to make me and his family happy but feels he really isn't ready for marriage. His father is a certified minister in another state and he says that he wants his dad to marry us but we still haven't set a date and his dad had us last week, write why we want to marry each other. I know why I want to marry him and I think he does but it just doesn't seem to be happening as fast as I thought it would be. I love him and we have alot of problems but we always end up working through it. From him I just want to be committed to each other and by him not taking this marriage thing a little more serious I don't know what is going to happen to us. Any help!!!Please. <P>------------------<BR>JAS<p>[This message has been edited by butterman (edited October 03, 2000).]

<BR>Well you haven't given us much info, so i have a few questions for you- did he give you a ring? the words are one thing but a ring is a symbol for the world to see he is serious. Did you both tell people you were engaged and going to get married? i too had been asked but he didn't tell anyone or ever get a ring so i knew he wasn't serious- what do you think? do you think you are wasting your time? or do you think it is real? do you love each other? marriage is a lot bigger than a piece of paper, altho that itself was a big step to take. I guess i need more information before i could offer my opinion...sorry<BR>

This may not hep you in the least bit, but while single, I found myself in situations where we came so close to marriage, but then stalled and it got to the point of marriage or break up and of course there was the break up. It was painful and I decided that I would draw the line, a very clear cut line to save myself some heartache. If you want to marry me, the YOU are going to do it right, YOU are going to Propose and give me a ring etc. etc. That way I had a clear cut message as to what his intentions were. You need clear cut messages. While a marriage license is a serious step, depending on what state you live in, it could expire in as little as thiry days and then where are you? Clear messages. I had to make it clear also that, that was my bottom line, people will do what you allow them to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rax:<BR><B><BR>Well you haven't given us much info, so i have a few questions for you- did he give you a ring? the words are one thing but a ring is a symbol for the world to see he is serious. Did you both tell people you were engaged and going to get married? i too had been asked but he didn't tell anyone or ever get a ring so i knew he wasn't serious- what do you think? do you think you are wasting your time? or do you think it is real? do you love each other? marriage is a lot bigger than a piece of paper, altho that itself was a big step to take. I guess i need more information before i could offer my opinion...sorry</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes he gave me ring. But he never really asked me as though he was ready. It seemed more along the lines as if he wanted to make me and his family happy but feels he really isn't ready for marriage. His father is a certified minister in another state and he says that he wants his dad to marry us but we still haven't set a date and his dad had us last week, write why we want to marry each other. I know why I want to marry him and I think he does but it just doesn't seem to be happening as fast as I thought it would be. I love him and we have alot of problems but we always end up working through it. From him I just want to be committed to each other and by him not taking this marriage thing a little more serious I don't know what is going to happen to us. Any help!!!Please. <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>JAS

Butterman:<BR>Soulmates!!!! I am going through something very similar with my boyfriend. He keeps telling me that he wants to marry me, and he's going to propose, but won't commit to a time. And we've been ring shopping, and all that good stuff. We've been together two years, he's close to 30, and I'm 26, so we're not exactly spring chickens, but old enough to know what we want. You are in the same position that I am: you have to decide when you are ready to risk losing the relationship, and then give your ultimatiunm. My boyfriend keep promising me that we would get engaged sometime this year (2000) and now we have only 2 months left, and he has told me that he wants to wait until the spring to propose. <BR>Your boyfriend is leading you on, maybe because he's afraid to lose you. When you are ready to risk losing the relationship, then you tell him that he either sets the date, or you're gone. And stick to your guns. He'll come around, or he won't, but either way he won't be keeping you dangling with promise he doesn't (or maybe does) intend to fulfill. I think that there comes a point where you either crap or get off the potty.<BR>I know that marriage is a scary step, especially for men. But he is sending you mixed messages, and you need to put your foot down. If you do stick to your guns, and get on with your life, that maybe the push he needs to get going on the marriage ride. Check out some of my posts (Other Topics-boyfriend won't propose...) and you will see that we are in the same situation. I am mentally and physically gearing up for the breakup of my relationship. If he comes around, then it was meant to be. If not, I plan to get on with my life. But I am not quite ready to risk losing this relationship yet. And you have to figure out if you're willing to risk the lose to get the gain.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by butterman:<BR><B>Me and my boyfriend have been talking about marriage and he once asked me to marry him and we went to get a marriage license but we still have not set a date and he keeps putting it off to another date. Does he seem like he he will ever get married to me or am I just wasting my time? Yes he gave me ring. But he never really asked me as though he was ready. It seemed more along the lines as if he wanted to make me and his family happy but feels he really isn't ready for marriage. His father is a certified minister in another state and he says that he wants his dad to marry us but we still haven't set a date and his dad had us last week, write why we want to marry each other. I know why I want to marry him and I think he does but it just doesn't seem to be happening as fast as I thought it would be. I love him and we have alot of problems but we always end up working through it. From him I just want to be committed to each other and by him not taking this marriage thing a little more serious I don't know what is going to happen to us. Any help!!!Please. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>