In Dec 96 I was offered a job on the east coast near where my father lived. We always wanted to move from So CA as the climate I we feeled was detrimental to raising a family. I took the job and moved my wife and three kids. We decided to stay and my fathers place until we could get a place of our own. An opportunity arose to buy some undeveloped land within three months. During that ime things quickly deteriated at my fathers house. My father remarried when I was two and had a son with new wife when I was about fourteen. I used to come visit them while I was growing up. Anyway, My brother never really amounted to allot, he eviedently did not measure up when compared to me (according to my father). This created resentment towards me from his wifes standpoint. I tried to stay away from the fray. My father was so excited about me moving south that he made it seem all would be OK staying at his his house until I developed land of my own. His wife even seemed excited too. Within the first month after I sunk all of my money into this property, the Stepmother true colors started to show. She was vindictful towards me and my family as she had to constantly here about how I made it and her (only) son did not amount to anything according to my father. The stepmother made it extremely difficult to live under the same roof for my wife and kids as she was so resentful. She di not dare say anything harsh to me for fear of retribution form my father. instead she took her resentment out on my wife and kids. I was not aware of the problem as I refused to beleive it was happenning because my wife said nothing. This was the beggining of losing my wife and kids. I worked 60 + hours a week and spent almost every daylight hour at my new property, clearing burning and preparing the land for our new house. To make along story short, things got so bad that the stepmother physically attacked my wife over the use of a kitchen pot one day. I got off work to find my wife and kids GONE. She left me a note that she was going back to her mothers and does not know if she will ever come back. There are many more factors as to why she left, none of which were infidelity or spousal abuse. We just grew apart because of my fault being overpreoccupied with working at the new job and developing the land I bought. She kept in contact daily forthe first thre months then things started to taper off. I would cal and she would be gone. Apparently she contacted some high scool friend (which became the OM) and started spending allot of time away from her parents house. I did not like it, but after ingnoring what occurred here at my fathers, what was I to say. I called her one afternoon as I felt a funny feeling in my stomach, and she ended up telling me that she was beggining to have feelings for another man. I asked if it was the Old High school buddy and she denied that it was him. I was mortified... I told her that I understood her feelings as I have let her down. I was beginning to realize that even if I finished the house I would have no family to share it with. All the while I am staying a t my fathers and not speaking to anyone. I was really bitter, but now put all of my energies on finishing the property. I went to our Pastor and explained where I was at. He just informed me that I should have seen the signs long before she left. He gave me a game plan in which I followed to the tee. He had me send three things in the mail every day. He said that she would see these things and start to expect them. I sent cards, chocalates, some of the jewelry I bought her when we were dating. This was a desperate attempt. When I would call Iwould not pressure her about her (OM) I would just let her know how the house was going and that I loved her and the kids. I did the mail thing relentlesly, I dug deep within myself to remember the things I did and said when we were dating, so I could have her remember why she decided to marry me. She came home July98, when shen returned, she seemed different. Here is the shocker. Three months after she and the kids got back she tells me she is pregnant. I knew it could not be mine, as I have had a vasectomy. From here the real internal struggle began. She did return to me, but was in Major withdrawl from the OM. I will post more if more there are those of you are interested. K. the twins need lunch and I will continue with more details. Kendall <BR>

Kendall, thank you for sharing your story. I think that anyone who is willing to raise a child or children born of infidelity truly shows a strength of character unknown to most of us. I pray that you and your family remain happy and that you can continue to help us see the lights at the end of each of our tunnels...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

My H fathered a child by another woman and you are inspirational. God bless you and yours.