I am recently married (4 months!) and I'm doing a research paper for school regarding marriage. If you have a minute or 2, please fill out my survey. You can reply here or e:mail it to me at sv1004gb@aol.com. Thanks for your time and your thoughts!<P>_____Male _____Female<P>1. How long have you been married?<BR>a. less than one year<BR>b. one to four years<BR>c. over four years<P>2. How would you describe you and your spouse’s communication style?<BR>a. Volatile- “blow up”<BR>b. Validating- listen to each other’s points<BR>c. Avoidant- agree to disagree<BR>d. Other<BR>Please describe and expand. <P>3. Has your communication style changed from the first year of marriage?<P>4. What is your financial style? (Answer more than one)<BR>a. one saves, one spends<BR>b. both save<BR>c. both spend<P>d. I don’t know how much money we have in the bank.<BR>e. He/she doesn’t know how much money we have in the bank.<BR>f. We have separate bank accounts.<BR>g. I worry about our financial future.<BR>h. He/she worries about our financial future.<BR>i. If I have money today I spend it today.<BR>j. If he/she has money today, spends it today.<BR>Explain.<P>5. If you don’t already have children, have you discussed having children? Will one of you stay home with children or will both work? Why?<P>6. How, if at all, have careers affected your marriage?<P>7. For 2 career households, how do you handle the division of labor in the house?<BR>a. Equal<BR>b. He/She does more<BR>c. I do more<P>8. Have you fallen into traditional roles- she cooks and cleans, he takes out the trash and pays bills?<P>9. If you have ever thought about divorce or separation, what would be your reasons?<P>10. My research paper is on issues of communication, finances, and career choices and how they can make or break a marriage. If you have anything else of interest, please provide!<P><BR>

_____Male __X__Female<P>1. How long have you been married?<P>c. over four years<P>2. How would you describe you and your spouse’s communication style?<P>c. Avoidant- agree to disagree<BR>In some areas....although we usually come to a consensus.<P>3. Has your communication style changed from the first year of marriage?<P>Yes, used to be more open and honest.<P>4. What is your financial style? (Answer more than one)<P>b. both save<BR>c. both spend<P>5. If you don’t already have children, have you discussed having children? Will one of you stay home with children or will both work? Why?<P>No Kids. We discussed it and H didn't particularly want kids. If we would have had kids, I would have tried to work from home so I can be there for them, which I think is very important. (After our separation about 1 year ago, H came up with "I always wanted kids....")<P>6. How, if at all, have careers affected your marriage?<P>Husband met other woman at work...other than that little detail.....it hasn't affected our marriage that I can tell.<P>7. For 2 career households, how do you handle the division of labor in the house?<P>a. Equal for the most part, although I feel like I do more day-to-day work around the house.<P>8. Have you fallen into traditional roles- she cooks and cleans, he takes out the trash and pays bills?<P>Somewhat, but mostly based on our skills which I guess tend to follow traditional lines.<P>9. If you have ever thought about divorce or separation, what would be your reasons?<P>I do not believe in divorce at all (although I am probably going to face one). I only believe in separation if one person is in physical or psychological harm from the other person. Otherwise, I believe people should and can work out their problems and differences (using marriage counseling, church, etc.) and should not get divorced.<P>10. My research paper is on issues of communication, finances, and career choices and how they can make or break a marriage. If you have anything else of interest, please provide!<P>I think one area that affects marriage more than any other is VALUES. I think all the rest...communication, finances and careers....are all affected by your values. Example: You can have different communication styles and still have a good marriage provided that you VALUE good communication as important to you and work at it.<P>So couples that hold values in common, IMHO, have the best chance to work out any other differences that they may have. <P>That's all....good luck. Is this for high school or college?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited November 09, 2000).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Susan S:<BR>[B]I am recently married (4 months!) and I'm doing a research paper for school regarding marriage. If you have a minute or 2, please fill out my survey. You can reply here or e:mail it to me at sv1004gb@aol.com. Thanks for your time and your thoughts!<P>_____Male ___X__Female<P>1. How long have you been married?<BR>a. less than one year<BR>xb. one to four years<BR>c. over four years<P>2. How would you describe you and your spouse’s communication style?<BR>a. Volatile- “blow up”<BR>xb. Validating- listen to each other’s points<BR>c. Avoidant- agree to disagree<BR>d. Other<BR>Please describe and expand. <P>3. Has your communication style changed from the first year of marriage?<BR>yes- we have learned to listen completely without interupting and getting defensive- we are more open and willing to face problems together rather than alone or avoiding completely<P>4. What is your financial style? (Answer more than one)<BR>a. one saves, one spends<BR>b. both save<BR>c. both spend<P>d. I don’t know how much money we have in the bank.<BR>e. He/she doesn’t know how much money we have in the bank.<BR>f. We have separate bank accounts.<BR>g. I worry about our financial future.<BR>h. He/she worries about our financial future.<BR>i. If I have money today I spend it today.<BR>j. If he/she has money today, spends it today.<BR>Explain.<BR>it used to be a- but we have dealt with the financial problem the most- we come from very opposite financial backgrounds and we have learned to both save and both spend appropriately<P>5. If you don’t already have children, have you discussed having children? Will one of you stay home with children or will both work? Why?<BR>yes we will have children- we will both work- we need the money from both incomes to stay afloat- but we both have very flexible schedules which will allow time with the children- i also have four months available maternity leave -<P>6. How, if at all, have careers affected your marriage?<BR>yes- he has become self employed and never believed in furthering education- i am currently working on a masters and value education highly- i also would have succeeded in my career if i had moved into a city area and so i have compromised what my career goals are. <P>7. For 2 career households, how do you handle the division of labor in the house?<BR>a. Equal<BR>b. He/She does more<BR>xc. I do more<P>8. Have you fallen into traditional roles- she cooks and cleans, he takes out the trash and pays bills?<BR>no- i do most of the work around the house- although in the last year he has made attempts to help out<P>9. If you have ever thought about divorce or separation, what would be your reasons?<BR>infedility or abuse- luckily we haven't had to deal with either<P>10. My research paper is on issues of communication, finances, and career choices and how they can make or break a marriage. If you have anything else of interest, please provide!<P>all i can say is that opposites attract and it makes all these issues hard to deal with- but it can be worked on and it is very possible to succeed in a marriage where all of your spouses thoughts on these issues are completely the opposite from yours.hope i was of some help!good luck with your project!<P>rax<P>

Thank you for responding and being so open! I am currently back in college for another undergrad degree- in elementary education. I am doing this project for a Sociology class! Thanks again and pass the survey on to anyone you think would be interested (married 10 years or less). Bye.

Female<BR>1 (c) 19 years<P>2. (b)<BR>We listen well & validate each other, but when we differ we tend to not discuss further or argue, but avoid resolving. This is primarily bcs my H learned as a child to avoid conflict at all costs. Since this is not an effective way to communicate, it has caused some problems.<P>3. We are working now on discussing things more deeply, instead of just avoiding differences.<P>4. (b) both save <BR>We have two joint checking accounts...one is primarily his and one mine (so we don't bounce each other's checks, etc.) but everything is shared, and we pay bill out of both accounts. <P><BR>5. 2 kids. Both work? $$ and sanity.<P>6. Since he took a job involvong a lot of travel, has added stress. Luckily, I've been able to cut back my workload some to partially compensate. But, hard to maintain deep emotional connection when so much travle.<P>7. Sometimes he does more. More often I do more...it just depends on who is home & has time. We have some outside help also.<P>8. Roles are pretty flexible...depending on time and availability.<P>9. Yes, a year ago we went thru a crisis and discussed his leaving, but decided to work on re-connecting emotionally instead. <P>10. Communication is so important...when it goes, everything else seems to go.

I am female. I have been married for less than 1 year.<P>2. I do not think that my spouse's communication styles fits any one catgory. When we do try to listen to one another, I usually say something that offends him and he gets angry and explodes and in turn becomes avoidant. Instead of him telling me what it is that I said that has hurt him or telling me a better way to communicate with him, he chooses to be avoidant and the cycle continues. <P>Our communication style has changes since we have been married. WE used to listen to each other and solve some problems. Now we can not solve problems without the help of others.<P>4. WE both spend money.<P>5. He has kids, I do not. We both plan to work, but I would like to work at night and keep my own child during the day, until he is around four.<P>6. Carreer has effected our marriage because of the financial situation that it puts me in. As I mentioned he has kids, I do not. What he brings home in a month, I make in a week. <P>WE are equal with are division of household labor.<P>Neither of us has fallen into a traditional role. He likes to clean and I hate to clean. I pay most of our bills and I will take out the trash. <P>I have only been married 7 months, and I have thought about divorce EVERY month!<P>I will try to list you some short reasons (although I have several more)<P>1. My husband has 2 kids. These kids who do not live with us dictate my life. Things like money, trips, time alone, time with each other, work schedule. I had no idea this type of marriage would be this difficult. My husband and I rarely argue about things outside of something that has to do with his kids. Since he has these kids, it would not be an option for him to stay home with mine. But he is a much better caregiver than I .<P>I enjoyed living my life for myself and being concerned about only myself. Now I have his problems to deal with along with mine. I love him but I would like to be free to do what I like and not be questioned by someone else as if i am a teenager again. <P>My husband is a very kind person. SOmetimes too kind amd others take advantage of that. I would like to have had a more aggressive but still kind type person. <P>Finances is a big part of it. As i said earlier, i make whole lot more money than he does. If we were to divorce he would gain more than I would. child support kills our income and my desire to want more for us. ALthough my husband is a sincerely sweet man, I have now realized that nothing in the world is worth all the strain of this marriage, NOTHING!

Male <P>1. How long have you been married?<BR>c. over four years<P>2. How would you describe you and your spouse’s communication style?<BR>b. Validating- listen to each other’s points<P>It took 20 years to get to where we could commmunicate well.<P><BR>3. Has your communication style changed from the first year of marriage? <BR>Yes<P>4. What is your financial style? <BR>b. both save<BR>c. both spend<BR>d. I don’t know how much money we have in the bank.<P>5. If you don’t already have children, have you discussed having children? Will one of you stay home with children or will both work? Why?<P>3 children, 2 are adult<P>6. How, if at all, have careers affected your marriage?<P>YUP<P>7. For 2 career households, how do you handle the division of labor in the house?<BR>She does more - only works casual. <P>8. Have you fallen into traditional roles- she cooks and cleans, he takes out the trash and pays bills?<P>No, our daughter cooks, the maid cleans, our daughter takes out the garbage, the bills get paid mostly through automatic withdrawls.<P>9. If you have ever thought about divorce or separation, what would be your reasons?<P>Sex.<P>10. My research paper is on issues of communication, finances, and career choices and how they can make or break a marriage. If you have anything else of interest, please provide!<P>Other than the first, they have no effect on marriage at all. Marriage is an institution where you learn how to love and be loved. Nothing to do with finance or careers. [/B][/QUOTE]<P>