I'm a new wife. My husband and I have been married for about 4 months now. We really love each other. We went through 6 hard, in-depth and detailed months of pre-marital counseling and we truly feel that the Lord placed us together. We're both in our 30's and have no children and have never been married before.<BR>The only problem has been in our bedroom. We abstained from sex until after we were married, as the Lord intended. I'm very upset and I don't know what to do, because my husband is not very experienced in lovemaking. Neither of us were virgins when we got married, but I really "got around" in my past, before I fully surrendured and comitted my life to Christ, unfortunately, and it is causing problems for me. My husband is fully satisfied in the bedroom, but I am not. I don't feel like he's passionate enough and I don't feel like he shows me enough emotion. He does get up very early for work (4:30), but I just feel like we should be crazy about each other and much more passionate in our bedroom. We're young, afterall!!<P>There was no limitation on his attraction to me and my attraction to him during our dating relationship, which was 10 intense months prior to our getting married.<P>I would really appreciate some insight from women and men about how I should handle this. We had a conversation about it, and it hurt his feelings and I didn't want to tell him, but we had to talk about it. I'm just miserable over this whole thing! Every other area in our marriage is wonderful and I have no complaints. He's a wonderful husband.<P>Please give me some advice!! <P>

Communication, communication!!!! You must have it or you will have very difficult times ahead of you. I have been married not much longer then you and sadly, I was willing to give up after about 5 months of not talking about things that bothered me for fear of how he would react. It's hard to talk to anyone about your most intimate feelings but he needs to be there for you and help you to feel comfortable about talking about them. We have had our problems with this topic but we started to talk about it more and I now feel like I can tell him anything. The only way he's going to know what you like or don't like is by you letting him know (either by telling him or you could just show him) Maybe make it a playful talk not so serious. I approached my husband and just started explaining (explicitly) my fantasies and desires and then asked him what he thought we could do about them. Men are visual creatures, so give him a visual. Sorry, I don't have very much advice, just wanted to throw out there what has worked with us. I hope things work out better for you, adjusting to married life is very difficult the first year.

I agree with Clyons you definitely need "communication, communication." Even though my wife and I have not experienced quite what you are experiencing (I think), we have had some down times in our love making. We have found that foreplay can go along ways in satisfying the female. Don't immediately go for the dinner, enjoy the appettizers first. <P>As far as your husband going to work in the early a.m., you two may want to retire to the bedroom earlier than normal. I know that I truly enjoy intercourse better when I am fully awake and the lights are on.<P>Good luck.

I have the opposite problem...my H is more experienced then me in the bedroom. There is one thing he wants from me and I am don't want to do it. I thought making love should be mutual and if one person doesn't want to do something then the other person should accept that and try to find other ways to meet those needs. I have come up with a compromise to what he wants but I don't think that's enough for him. I believe that is one of the reasons he strayed on me. I am sorry this doesn't help you out since I've talked only about myself. I do believe communication is the key and in your situation you should show your H what you want and how you want it. I believe your problem can be easily solved if you do communicate your needs. Good luck! <BR>

Dear wife,<BR>Our situation is similar to yours, in that my husband and I abstained from sex until marriage (1yr.&1/2). We felt great about walking down the aisle pure of heart. I think more than communication,communication is Practise,practise, practise! When you're not active in the bedroom for a long time, you get used to it. Now you just have to get used to being active in the bedroom. It takes awhile to get comfortable with each other. Be patient with your relationship, and be compassionate toward husband. My husband and I have different clocks, he's a morning person and I'm a night person. So we scheduled love in the afternoon when we were both awake! Also, scheduling helped to break the ice so to speak, because we needed to gear up in our minds to "practise". We were successful over time to overcome the awkwardness of initiating love making - to the point where now I'm pregnant! I'm worried that we'll lose the momentum we created cuz now I feel sick and don't want to make love! marriage is a blessing and a lot of work...make sure you ask your H about what he needs in the bedroom, and work on each of your meeting each other's needs. It doesn't happen overnight! Good Luck!

I agree with you tinsey... If you don't use it you lose it. My w and I sometimes go for a while w/o intimacy and I almost get used to not having it so I don't want it as much. Follow me? <BR>Wifeof1 I can identify with your situation. My w just lays there and shows very little emotion.(no passion) Almost like she is just fulfilling a duty. We don't even kiss passionately anymore. I want her to get into a little, stroke my ego, tell me what a stud I am, just do "something", etc... It is really beginning to turn me off. She also is very much a prude, not wanting to stray from the "norm". One time I did I did something real crazy like turn the light on during intimacy. Next maybe we'll get out from under the covers.<BR> I have been delaying talking to her about this and I am becoming angry and bitter on the inside. I know that I need to talk to he, just as I have done here.. but I am a big chicken! My advice to you and to myself is TALK!