Please bear with me - this is my first post here.<P>My significant other and I are discussing our future at current. We are considering the possibility of moving in together after we are formally engaged, and the date has been set. We have been reading quite a bit about MB and truly believe in following the joint agreement! We are looking at moving in together to help defray some of the cost of living since we will be paying for the wedding 100% ourselves.<P>My biggest hesitation in this is that he has a young daughter (preschool) and though I want her to feel safe and secure and know she has even more family now who loves her, I don't want to set a bad example for her.<P>Your thoughts are appreciated.

Hi newbeginnings,<P>I completely understand where you're coming from. My fiance and I live 10 miles from each other, and pay double to live separately what it would cost to live together. So why don't we just move in together? Because couples who live together before marriage are much more likely to divorce than couples who don't. Dr. Harley has in the Q+A section an article about why it's a bad idea to live together which is very good at explaining all the downsides to a situation that really only works out better financially. <P>Setting an example for his daughter is another important consideration. Tread carefully, and explore your hesitation before moving in, you are smart to be cautious!

Finances is not a reason to make compromises.<P>I stayed in a bad marriage because of our debt situation. I moved in with my ex-husband when we decided to date again, because I couldn't afford my own place and I was tired of living with my parents and because he compromised and said that he would stop his "friendship" with a previous girlfriend. Now -- one year later -- we have been through an affair (he didn't stop) and are still recovering. I compromised on my position of not moving in without remarriage and I regret it. Last month, he wasn't meeting my emotional needs and there was no commitment, therefore the trust was not being rebuilt. So, I moved out and got my own place -- even though I can just barely afford it. Within a week, he proposed and we are engaged. But, I have learned my lesson -- I am not moving back in until after the wedding.<P>I know all about not having the money and wanting to save money for the wedding, we are starting to struggle with the same thing. But, needing money for the wedding and to have the convienence of only maintaining one household is not a reason to move in before the wedding. Even though the "steps" might seem old fashioned, they are still around because they work. <P>------------------<BR>Jennidy<P>"Work like you don't need the money,<BR>Love like you've never been hurt, and<BR>Dance like no one's watching."