My fiance and I met 1 1/2 years ago. What attracted to me initially was her honesty and openness, her sense of humor, and her practicality. Recovering from a failed engagement a few years earlier, I knew what I didn't want-smoke and mirrors, secrets, and actions that didn't match with words. In some ways, I was reacting against this. I have always maintained that a relationship should not be based on mere attraction; there must be the elements of communication, frankness, and a willingness to commit to the relationship. In a word, integrity. I put these values ahead of mere emotions with my new relationship, looking at it quite objectively. In fact, I wasn't all that emotional about it, not anything like my first relationship. <BR> <BR>My fiance and I have currently been engaged since last Christmas(5 1/2 months) and are planning to marry this summer. However, I feel that although I admire her for her character, I'm not really that attracted to her. It scares me because, if the flame's not really burning now, how are we supposed to keep it going after getting married? I'm feeling guilty about having second thoughts- we've already sent out wedding invitations- but I'm wondering if I'm stepping into a trap of my own making. I should have thought of this before... but it's coming up so strongly now. My love for her is more of a decision than a feeling- I sense that although she would be rocked by a breakup, for me it would not be that bad...<BR>(We have not had sex yet, either- committed to waiting until the wedding night).<P>Should I call it off- or go ahead and get married? I would appreciate any comments on this issue.<P><BR>

I had a somewhat similar situation many years ago. I was engaged to a beautiful homecoming princess etc and we got along great. All of my male friends were quite envious.<BR>The problem was that although she was extremely beautiful I was never physically that attracted to her. I thought that after the marriage it would get better and everything would<BR>be great. I was totally wrong and it just got worse and I felt I was only physically going through the emotions. <P>Move forward to many years after the divorce and I have been<BR>with a woman that from the very start had tremendous physical attraction among her other many characteristics and we are still together better than ever. What I am saying is that if you are unsure about getting married then do not. It is better than ending up divorce later. I do not know why some people have chemistry with some people and not with other people. If you do not have the chemistry with your girlfriend I would suggest that you hold off on getting married and find someone else that you can have emotional and physical feelings for. I wish you luck.

Hi westmart-<P>It's been a while since you first posted your topic, I just wanted to see how you're doing...<P>If still undecided, my opinion would be, it depends on what you mean by "not attracted to her". If you mean that you aren't ready to go just looking at her, like movies and magazines sometimes make people thing they should be, then you're okay. But if you mean not at all attracted to her as in think of her as a sister, then by all means, rethink the engagement - invitations and deposits be damned. A broken engagement is way better than a failed marriage!