Ok ... with about two months before our wedding i'm in a REAAAALY tough spot... I'm starting to wonder if i'm doing the right thing or not. I DO love my fiance more than anything, and I do want to be married. BUT I'm just scared of if the timing is right or not. I don't really have a steady income right now, (and she's all gung-ho about finding a house to buy)...and lately i've been wondering if i'll be able to do MY stuff when i'm married (my hobbies..which i havent been able to do in a looong time, make friends, reach my personal dreams & goals, etc. Plus i'm in the process of building up a business). It's not that she's really controlling all the time, but my family has all pointed out that she is, like looking in from the outside. I never really did the whole "typical" single thing, ya know... going out with the guys, making alot of friends, having my own real place, etc.. We got engaged right when I got out of college & moved home, and she's still in school. We do have fights sometimes, and we're both extremely stubborn, so we can't take blame at all on ourselves...SO when we fight, it's bad... but when we're all lovey, it's incredible.. we're both so mushy & cute it's adorable (or sickening) ANyways.. I feel like if i did postpone the wedding somehow a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders right now. All my stresses lately have been directly linked to getting married. BUT if i did call it off or whatever, i know i would be the jerk to everyone... everything is planned and pretty much paid for. There's only 2 months to go. She's all excited about it, but when i think of her excitement i also think of how mean she can be when we fight.. it's like 2 sides. I do want to marry her. I'm just not sure if this is normal to be wondering this stuff or not? WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!! We have discussed what I want before, and she was saying stuff like "you dont need to get married right now" and all that.. but it just ended up in a huge crying fest because i dont want to lose her at all, and of course i'm just going to say "yes i do". I DO love her. i'm PRAYING someone out there will have a similar experience or something? PLEASE HELP SOON...

OKJoe, thank you for having the courage to come here. Thank you for being honest with yourself and your fiance. <P>You have to make the decision and it sounds like you want to offer your bride the very best of yourself when you enter the marriage. I am a hopeless romantic so if I'm wrong, others will write you soon with their wiser opinions but I think if she REALLY loves you, she should appreciate that you need time. If you have any doubts at all, you are absolutely right to wait. <P>I got married when I was a very immature 21 year old. I went right from home to college to marriage 6 mos after college so never really had that time either for independence. Sometimes I wonder if that was a contributing factor for me getting involved in an EA. I thought I was recapturing my youth even though OM is same age as my H.<P>Sweetie, trust your heart with this one. Remember the old saying, If you love something (in this case someone), let them go..if they come back to you, it's true love. (badly paraphrased--forgive me!) You will be an awesome Husband. I hope and pray your fiance will see that. <P>As a hopeless romantic, my wish for you would be that happiness will come in marrying this girl but if she is upset and leaves you, then God just has someone even better suited for you. Or she (fiance) will recognize your concern for her long-range happiness and things will work out.<P>You mention the expense of the wedding. As a survivor in recovery, let me say that you are sparing yourselves a much costlier emotional expense by either delaying the marriage or giving yourself some "me" time. You are right...us women tend to take over your lives when you marry us but it's just because we love your attention so much. <P>I wish you every happiness and great wisdom as you make this tough decision. Just remember TRUE love waits. <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

OKJoe, DO not get married with these thoughts in your head. They will not magically go away just because you say "I do".<BR>Talk to her. Did you do pre-marriage counselling?<BR>If you can't talk to her write her a letter telling her everything, including the fact that you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her but that you have these questions.<BR>On the other side just because you get married it doesn't mean the fun ends, in fact it can get better. You missed sowing your wild oats? Well you also missed std's, possible children ect. You can still have fun and hang with the guys (read on the policy of joint agreement) <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/printer_friendly.cfm/3/24" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/printer_friendly.cfm/3/24</A> <BR>I hope you can resove this before beacuse the problems will only get bigger in marriage.

You are NOT ready to get married. <P>Even though it may hurt her right now, and it is hard not to think about all the money you spent, you would be so much better off being honest with yourself and cancelling the wedding.<P>Notice, I did not say postpone, I said cancel. It seems to me like you want to "live" a little before you settle down. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you express it honestly and openly. If she cannot understand that, she might have wanted the idea of marriage, not the real marriage itself and all that it involves.<P>I called my wedding off 3 months before the date, so I know how you feel, but believe me, you can and will get past it. Just do what you feel in your heart is right, and everyone will understand.<P>Also, may I repeat a quote that I once heard - "The Right person at the Wrong time is the Wrong Person for you".<P>When you are ready, you will meet the right one.<P>Good luck.

OKjoe,<P><BR> It really sounds like you are not ready to get married. If your having doubts about getting married, than don't do it. When the time is right, you will know and won't have any doubts.

OKJoe,<P>As much as it hurts both you and your fiance, you are not ready to get married. Trust me I know because I am recently married and my husband was in the same position as you, but he went ahead and married me anyway. Marriage does not fix things. We are miserable now because we were to ignorant to either delay or call off our wedding. It is a very difficult decision and I am sorry that it is difficult for you, but marriage is not to be taken lightly. It is a sacred committment and both of you need to want to get married. If not, you will not have a successful marriage.

What is it about "that feeling" that just blinds us to reality? Sometimes "Love" can be overwhelming and cause us to rush into something that might just be meant to wait for. Sometimes, it can cause us to leap into somethint that just isn't meant to be. Whichever the case (or neither), the TWO of you should definitely step back and re-evaluate your priorities. To me, it sounds like she is ready to start a family and wants it to happen soon, but you are still trying to figure out what you want out of life. Maybe I'm wrong on the two of you, but it definitely sounds like the two of you are going in different directions, at least right now. My advice would be for the two of you to sit down and seriously talk about postponing the wedding indefinitely. I'm not saying that you should break up or anything, but it may come to that, so be prepared. If it's meant to be, then both of you will come to that conclusion in the right time, but I don't think that this is that time.<BR>Trust me, if you go into marriage with these feelings that you have right now, things won't get any easier for quite a while, it will only make your marriage that much more difficult to start with, and no marriage needs that. <P>Good luck, and keep us posted.