I'm not sure what's going on with me. I'm having some serious doubts about the love (or lack of) I have for my husband. With my husband, I never felt that exciting, crazy feeling like you can have when you fall in love with someone. However, I know how it is to feel this way, and how wonderful it can be because I did feel this way about someone else I dated prior to dating my current husband. But, that relationship didn't work out and so I associated these wonderful feelings that we had at one time with something other than love. Basically I felt like that real love didn't feel this passionate, and if it did, it would be doomed for failure. Anyway, my husband and I have been married for nearly four years. He is a wonderful person, and I know he loves me very much. The problem is, that I am almost sure that his love for me is much stronger than my love for him. Our relationship since day one has been really just a strong friendship, not an intimacy feeled with passion , even in the beginning! I know that marriages over time can lose those feelings of passion, but we really never had them to begin with. I was a virgin when I married him, and I was excited about having sex. I tried to do everyting right. However, the sexual experiences we have shared together have never come close to the satisfaction I had with the previous boyfriend that I told you about earlier. The passion was just never there. But, we do have many other things about our marriage that are very good. The trouble is, he doesn't think I like love-making and passion, but I long for it. I just don't seem to want it with him. It really makes me wonder if I am in move with him. I don't even ever touch him much, or kiss him, or come up and hold him. All of these things I did often in that previous relationship. We have discussed this problem in our marriage and it is really growing worse with every day. I really never worried about this area in our marriage at first. I knew we never were having sex much or anyhting but I became busy in alot of other areas in my life that made me very happy. Plus, many of the other areas in our marriage were good. However, in the last year I have been worried alot over this and it has made me unhappy. What has happened is that I accidently have fallen in love with someone else from church. When I first became attracted to this person, I became worried about my marriage because that proved that a lack of desire was not my problem. It compounded my thoughts that I might not be in love with my husband. Nothing has happened with this other person of course, but I don't know what to do about this problem, and now I can't seem to stop thinking about how this other person makes me feel. I feel so much pressure because my husband and I have discussed having children, and I definitely don't want to have a child together if I'm having doubts about being in love with him. I know that many marriages go through periods where there is no passion or tenderness. However, from everything I've read, most marriages had this in the beginning so they know they can get it again. Is it possible to bring passion in your marriage when it was never there to begin with? You can't make yourself feel something towards someone, or can you? I'm just so confused.
