I am hoping that someone out there can help me! I have been married for less than a year and my mother-in-law drives me crazy and it is affecting the relationship that I have with my husband.<P>For the most part my mother-in-law and I get along very well, however it seems that every time that just the two of us get together she feels the need to bring up my husbands past relationships. At first it didn't really bother me. I guess I thought that it would be something that she would eventually stop bringing up. Now all she talks about is how she was surprised that my husband married me and not his previous girlfriend, and compares the relationships that he had with his last girlfriends to ours (most of the time she points out examples of things that they would do for him and I don't). I have told my husband that she does this and he has asked her to stop doing this, and I try to change the subject anytime she brings it up and told her that I am not confortable talking about this subject...but nothing seems to stop her from stating her opinion.<P>I get extremely upset after these conversations because I feel like I am not good enough for her son (don't get me wrong, she doesn't intentionally try to make me feel this way). I take what she says personally. When this first started happening I would tell my husband my feelings which made him angry at his mother and upset at me for crying and letting is get to me. So now whenever she brings up his past I don't tell him, now I have all this frustration built up inside of me and I feel myself getting upset at him over little things as a result of this frustration. <P>My husband is a wonderful man and I love him and his family very much. I hope that someone can shead some light on this for me and give me some solutions on how to handle this. <P>

Sorry, but I think what your mother-in-law is doing is cruel.<P>Next time she starts like that I would turn around and quote a little scripture "What God has joined together let <B>no</B> man separate" If you feel that you can't do that, then just quietly say to her "I'm not sure if you realize this, but each time I hear comparisons to XXXX, I feel quite insecure and hurt" Call her directly on it and see what her reaction is. She may be genuinely surprise, but direct confrontation also has a way of bringing malicious people out into the open and they usually lose their power at that point.<P>I'm glad that your husband was able to defend you, but please don't shut off from him if this is really bothering you. That is the worst thing you can do.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jemma:<BR><B>Sorry, but I think what your mother-in-law is doing is cruel.<P>Next time she starts like that I would turn around and quote a little scripture "What God has joined together let no</B> man separate" If you feel that you can't do that, then just quietly say to her "I'm not sure if you realize this, but each time I hear comparisons to XXXX, I feel quite insecure and hurt" Call her directly on it and see what her reaction is. She may be genuinely surprise, but direct confrontation also has a way of bringing malicious people out into the open and they usually lose their power at that point.<P>I'm glad that your husband was able to defend you, but please don't shut off from him if this is really bothering you. That is the worst thing you can do.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Jemma,<BR>Thank you very much for the reply!! I really liked the quote as well. It made me feel so much better!!!<P>I will definately call her on it the next time she starts up again (I don't think that there is any other way to handle this.) You gave me some wonderful suggestions and I am very grateful. Thank you so much!! <P>

One other thought......<P>My ex MIL was similar in making insensitive statements, but it was about my body size. I was 8 1/2 months pregnant when she told me I was a solid well built girl. Prior to that I weighed around 120lb and am 5'4"<P>It never ceased to amaze me how tactless her comments were to people. Yet, if people were to say something so rude to her she would literally fall apart. Her problem stemmed from her own insecurities - she really didn't know how to relate in conversations and would blurt out these gaffes, I think, just to fill empty gaps. <P>If you think your MIL is similar, you need to assess what are her motives behind doing it. If they stem from her own insecurities it may require some sympathy and understanding. However there comes a time that you need to stop protecting her at the expense of your own self esteem. Confrontation can still be done lovingly if you suspect that this is what her problem is.<P>Good luck :-)