I'm 23, from Singapore and my boyfriend is 30, living in Hong Kong. We've been together for 2 yrs. Though we're thousand miles apart but I make it a point to go back HK every month, without failed. He couldn't visit me often, about 5 times in this 2 yrs because of his job and financial problems (I'm sort of richer than him!)When we first met (In HK), I had a kind of feeling that he's married...(Don't know why!!) and he denied of being married or had a girlfriend. Weeks later, when we're together, a call disclose everything. It's his wife, probably asking for a chance for them to get back together!! I was so darn shocked when he told me the caller was his WIFE!! He claimed they have been separated for 6 months already. He begged me to forgive him and he said it's kind of hard for him to tell me this and he's been finding the chance. In the end, I did. 4 months later and it was winter in Hong Kong. I couldn't adjust to the weather condition there and I fell SERIOUSLY SICK with fever, flu and cough. It was Christmas Eve. I was so seriously ill that I couldn't even walk or talk properly. He said it's X'mas Eve and he wants to celebrate the night with his friends. He said he would come back early. As I was so sick, I couldn't really wait for him to come back. Next in the morning, I couldn't find him on the bed, beside me. Thus, I called him and that's where I know: HE DIDN'T COME BACK AT ALL!!! He claimed he was drunk and spent the night sleeping in the karaoke lounge and went straight to work the next morning. I was very depressed. Who knows if anything would have happened to me? And he doesn't even care?! I thought it was only some careless mistakes of a man. 6 days later, and it's the last day of the New Year and I'm recovering well. We, his family, uncle and friends went for a countdown for the next coming New Year at a disco. There...he seems to be the star of the night. Like a butterfly. He would put his hand over shoulders of some girls, firmly hold the hands of some girls...disappearing in the crowd to talk on his mobile. I was so mad at him. IF HE WANTS TO FLIRT, DO IT SOME OTHER DAY. His whole family, friends was there and he's having ALL his time and HIS HANDS all over some other girls!! I walked up to him and said: Please respect me and don't have your hands around other gals. He immediately become angry and sulked on an angry face. He said he wanted to leave but didn't in the end. For the rest of the night and 2 days, he didn't talk to me. (THE MAIN REASON HE WANTED TO LEAVE WAS BECAUSE HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND CALLED HIM OUT. HE WANTED TO BE WITH HER. AND THE NEXT MAIN REASON HE DIDN'T LEAVE IN THE END WAS BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY THREATENED NOT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE IF HE LEAVES AND HOW CAN HE TREAT ME IN THIS WAY WHEN I DID NOTHING WRONG AND COMING ALL THE WAY TO CELEBRATE THE FESTIVAL WITH HIM- & I ONLY FOUND OUT THIS RECENTLY.)<P>& bad things doesn't come only once. Probably a week later (we're 6 months together already at that time), we went to a disco again. This time, with 3 of his guy friends. And guess what? He bumped into his ex-girlfriend in the disco. And FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT, THEY BOTH DISAPPEARED. He never come back. And everyone in the disco (including the bartender & the boss), was gossiping and using some pitiful looks at me. I wanted to leave, I wanted to cry out loud, I wanted to look for him and give him one tight slap. But I didn't. I did weep in the washroom secretly and I sticked my bum on the chair. I don't want to be a loser. He must have disappeared for at least 3 hours when he come back with that girl. It was almost the closing time for the disco. He said his "FRIEND" is drunk and he wants to send her back home. (THAT GIRL COMES WITH ANOTHER FEMALE FRIEND)He asked me to wait for him in the disco with his friends. He'll come back for me. <P>For the rest, I guess you know. He did come back to the disco for me, about an hour later. The moment he comes back, a call comes and he went sneekly to a corner to listen and smiling from ear to ear. I didn't ask him anything. For the next 2 days, he did not even explain what happened that night and why he acted like that. I can't tolarate anymore and I asked him about that night. He said they have many things to talk to. I make a big scene, packed my luggage, give him one slap and I left to stay in a hotel. 2 hours later, after I checked into a hotel, he called me on my mobile and tried to act pitiful...saying he felt sick and cold (it's winter that time). Being soft-hearted, I went back...and melted by him. Sigh...we're back together again. Life is hectic for him, of course. He would frequent the disco 5-6 nights OUT OF A WEEK!!<P>And now, 2 yrs later. Things I've never knew came up. All this, is told by his uncle, a guy friend of his.During our relationship, he cheats on me with other girls...more than a dozen of them. Most of the gals are met in the disco, he had countless of one-night stand with them, bought them home (I've found strands of hair a couple of time on the bedsheets, floor & comb)He have a overlapping relationship with his ex-girlfriend...and he's a big lier. He never admit his affairs outside. Not a single time. He just flares up to a raging temper and accuse I don't trust him. And this is when I finally see the real he. <P>As during his 2 yrs of flirting outside (sex doesn't comes for free!!), he must have blown up about USD$19000. Yes thats USD$ Nineteen thousands on his credit cards. Bills are treating friends to dinner, disco, buying gifts (he once bought a mobile phone, claiming his boss wanted one). And well, he's working in the IT industry. Income should be USD$38000 annually. In March, he tried to borrow USD$ 10000 from me. He said the monthly payments to the credit card company was simply too dear for him and the interest is high. I thought for a while-Hey he claimed that every month's salary is just enough for him to pay the expense, rental and monthly bill...& just January, he would actually have USD$5000 to buy a car. I refused...thank goodness from the advise of his uncle. His uncle said: He's working since he's 18, now he's 30. And he's been married once...and all these debts is occured all by him. He went for his own enjoyment...and expect you to help him? After I refused him, in April, he said that his separation from his wife is about 2.5 yrs and his wife wants to sign the divorce papers but on the condition that he will have to pay her a 1st lump sum of USD$7500 and later, a monthly alimony payment of USD$300 every month. He said he would like to have a divorce faster so that there will be one less burden for him. He asked me again to lend him the money. And out of his good, I just mentioned and pointed that since his wife has a job, and he had a huge monthly repayment every month, and absolute NO MONEY on hand, why did he agree to pay his wife for a sum that he didn't have? He became angry with me and said I was just being jealous about him giving his wife money and TOLD ME NOT TO GET INVOLVE IN HIS DIVORCE CASE AGAIN. (I DID NOT DEPEND ON HIM ALL THESE WHILE). In May, he said that he had a discussion with his wife again and she had agreed to accept a lesser payment. 1st lump sum of USD$2500...but she wanted the money faster, so this condition will not be written on the papers itself. He claims he will give her cash on the day she signed the dotted line. He borrowed from me again. I told him, I wanted his lawyer's contact numbers so that I can discuss with his lawyer (He only called his lawyer once) since he is busy with his work. And I mentioned that it will be a losing side for him if he did not include that he actually gave USD$2500 to his wife as the first lump payment. He became angry again and said why do I get involve in his divorce case again. THROUGHOUT 2 YEARS WITH HIM, I ALWAYS GIVE IN TO HIM. This time, I cannot tolerate anymore and I shoot him back, I said: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEND YOU MONEY FOR YOUR DIVORCE CASE AND YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULDN'T GET INVOLVE? He shut up immediately and said he don't need my help anymore.<P>Later, I found out something shocking. We had that quarrel on the phone at around 5pm. And he actually had the guts to call his rich uncle around 5.30pm. FOR WHAT, YOU MAY ASK. He wanted his uncle to lend him the same amount, USD$2500 to buy a car (He lost his car in a car crash in May).....I just feel so sad, disappointed, heartbroken...when I knew this from his uncle...he actually wanted to make use of me. He actually wanted to buy a car, but lied to me he wanted to give money to his wife. <P>All this while, I'm the one who calls him everyday whenever since I'm back to Singapore. And all I do is wanted to hear his voice...know what did he have for dinner today, where did he go after work...and he actually scolded me for being supervising, questioning about the details of his life, and he slammed down my phone yesterday. <P>I gave this man, 2 yrs of my precious youth, my heart, my patience and countless of forgiveness....yet...<P>Please...please....advise me on what to do and how to do. I'm simply lost for who I am and what I'm going to do. Though he crease to frequent to disco, less extravegent spending (How can he still spend when all the credit cards are up to the credit?), less flirting (But I know he still did...but he make it a point to hide from me)...and I really wanted to know why...Why he has the heart to hurt me when he knows I really love him?
