I need some serious help. My wife and I have been married for a little over two years and, as long as she is getting her way, things are great. Right now she is about 3 months pregnant and we are very excited about it but a side effect of that was that since she was so sick, sex was out for a while. Without any alternatives, things became very frustrating and I found myself slipping back into an old habit of pornography. She suspected it but I denied it until she caught me one morning and confronted me about it. Well, what was a simple look turn into accusations of real affairs and a number of things I would never dream of doing but was accused of anyway. On top of all that, she wants a divorce! Now please understand, I should not have done what I did but, she was not perfect when I married her either and one of the reasons that I didn't tell her about this was because I thought something like this would happen. I would like to recover from this but she makes it seem as though she has done "no wrong" when the exact opposite is true. Please help<P>------------------<BR>knowledge with application is power

You must be very scared in this situation with a new baby on the way. I'm just wondering, were you very defensive when your wife caught you? She may well be angrier about your defensiveness and lack of validation of her hurt feelings than about the porn itself. You may want to ask her about this. I have a new baby myself, and can attest to intense feelings of vulnerability and a very strong need to know that my H is really WITH me in this huge venture. Clearly she's not feeling sexy, and is likely feeling very threatened about you wanting someone else. You need to reassure her that you are her strongest ally. I would suggest that you ask her if any of this rings true to her, and just listen to her without making any disrespectful judgments. And PLEASE, give up the porn. It may seem like a simple look to you, but to her it's infidelity, especially when she's feeling so unsexy and vulnerable.<p>[This message has been edited by Josephina (edited June 15, 2001).]

I am grateful for the reply but there is something else: she can do no wrong! WE have ahd issues in the past and according to her, her past relationships have no bearing on our mariage? she has also revealed some things to me after we were married that, if she had told me before, I would not have stayed. But for better or worse right? I can forgive her, but why does she find it so hard to forgive me?<P>------------------<BR>knowledge with application is power

nsimmons-<P>The third month of pregnancy is very difficult hormonally! And possibly your wife has myriad other worries making her a little irritable - that she won't regain her figure, that the marriage will change with the arrival of the baby, that the family will struggle financially with all the new expenses, etc., etc. While you may have many of the same worries, and appear to be handling them better, bear in mind she has to literally carry hers around all day! If she threatens divorce, as devastating as that is, is one thing - but has she done any follow-up (contacting an attorney, packing up your stuff or hers?)