Hi everyone, I'm new here so I hope this all goes OK.<P>I'm 22, I have been dating this guy for the past three years. He's my first real boyfriend, and I love him sooo much. <P>We have been thru a lot together, he has been very patient and kind while I dealt with having suffered abuse at school (I had counselling and stuff, he was a good listener and didn't pressurize me to hurry). And I've stuck by him when he was penniless and against my parents' intense disapproval. So we are very resilient against "external" problems, ie problems that are not our own faults.<P>But there ARE problems "internally". <P>While I didn't mind him finding it hard to get a job, I am increasingly frustrated by his refusal to stay in any job he is offered. He got free training (and some hours to tide him over while he trains) where he is now and just yesterday he decided he wants to quit, before he even begins the job (the training is just over!!!). <P>I have a steady job (which is all the more important since he doesn't) and have just been promoted :O) But he is angry that I accepted the promotion, he says it's a dead-end job and it won't give me much of a career. My attitude is, I'm willing to listen and talk about this, but I enjoy my job and wish to keep it. Besides, it's ME who is saving for our wedding and our home, and this promotion will ease the financial pressure I am already struggling under. <P>The final straw though is this: I am upset because when I ask him to talk to me about planning our wedding he tells me I am a nag. I want to know what sort of wedding he would like, but he says he will think about that later. We are supposed to be getting married next year, and I really want to start the planning sooner in order to book a nice venue for a reasonable price. After all I don't have that much money. I tried to bring it up no more than twice a week (cos I knew he didn't like talking about it) but even then I'm a "nag" and basically I feel as though he's saying "You're a pain in the neck". At this point I am beginning to believe that he doesn't want to get married at all, and I'm heart-broken. <P>I keep hoping there is another reason for his gloomy mood and anger and depression. I keep hoping I can help him through it. But he is never available to talk and he just gets upset and angry. <P>What should I do? Is he the wrong guy, even after all we've been through? How do I stop feeling devastated? <P>Help please I feel as though I'm sinking<P>HbH<P>

I am new to this forum also and just posted my own question but after reading yours I felt compelled tp write you. I am a few years down the road where you may be likely to end up if you do choose to get married. <BR> <BR>First, don't ever let anyone discourage you from pursuing a career that interests you. I am proud to say that regardless of whatever happens in my own life I worked very hard and became a nurse which will always give me financial stability and internal satisfaction that I do what I love and no one can ever take that away from me. Congratulations on your promotion. That is great!!<P>Second I am a firm believer that it is the man's job to be the sole provider in his family. Especially if one day you plan to have children. I have to work to make ends meet when he told me before we got married I never would and could raise my children. It causes a lot of resentment. If a lot of the financial pressures of the wedding are falling on you realize that it will not stop there. After you are married it will continue and it adds a lot of stress to the marriage. Money is the number one reason people divorce. See it as a red flag and deal with these issues now. As painful as it can be I can promise you it will be more painful after you are married. <P>I know that you love him and I am not telling you to end it all. I'm just saying deal with these issues now. It is important. If you communicate your concerns and and he doesn't understand and does not want to bend or compromise then you may need to think things over. You are still young. I didn't get married until I was 26 and in many ways I am very thankful. I got to advance my career, travel and experience things I may never have had the opportunity to do if I had gotten married earlier. Everyone is different. Just remember that you are special and God wants the absolute best for your life. Seek him and ask him to help you make the right decisions in dealing with this relationship. He will guide you. Don't ever feel if you ever choose to give this relationship up you will never find another. You'd be surprised. Don't rush into a lifelong decision. Marriage can be wonderful but it is also very difficult at times. I don't want you to experience what I am now going through. I'll be praying for you.