My relationship to date: dating 4 years, marriage 2 years<P>A month ago I found all this out and do not know what to do!<P>Recently my wife has told me she is unsure of who she is and does not know what to do with her life. She is/has always been disatisfied in bed (I get her to oragasm 90% of the time, but she feels no passion coming from me). I guess I am holding something back. And since I graduated 7 months ago I have been very focused on getting us out of debt which looks like it will be next month. So we have not been doing much since then.<P>Because of all of that she has found someone else to be wild and free with. I completly believe her that she has not done anything physical yet, but has warned me she would be willing to. I personally think he is a great person, but of course hate him currently since he is satisfing my wifes needs.<P>What do you think I need to do I love my wife and desire to be with her for the rest of my life. The only option I see is to pretend we are starting over and do all of the courtship stuff again (yes I realize that I should have done it all along now). I guess I was hoping to hear from people that have been through this before. Also should I give up on sex until she is ready again (she loves sex, but she needs to feel the passion with it).<P>I am desperate (she has started us on seeing a counsellor at our church) and need all the advice I can get she has my heart and it is just breaking knowing I have not been meeting her needs.<P>Thank-you to everyone for helping me out.

Will just got off the phone with my wife. Apparently she feels like she loves me, but does not (has not) feel the unconditional love that she knows I feel for her. I do not know what to make of this????

I cannot pretend to understand your situation completely from a one page post. From the sounds of things (you just graduating), I am going to assume the two of you are still quite young (20's), and possibly, as you have been together for a total of six years, neither one of you has done much in the way of "oats sowin'" before the two of you got together. I myself, have recently married in my middle thirties,and my husband is 31, and so we have done done plenty o' livin before making a lifelong commitment to one another. Sound to me like your wife is only just coming into who she is as a person, and what she really wants from a romantic partner.<BR>Counselling is most certainly a wise choice in this case. But since it appears her attentions have already strayed, you've got your work cut out for you into reestablishing the connection with her. You say you still love her and want to spend your life with her, but the big question is does she still feel that way? Is her attraction to this other man only a reaction to what she feels she's not getting from you? Is she willing to try to reestablish the love she felt when she first married you?<BR>If the answer is yes, then, dude- you must learn to open up to her, heart and soul! Believe you me, I've had a number of skilled lovers before meeting my husband, but what makes our sex so special is the soul bond and trust that is there, that was lacking in all the others, previously.<BR>Passion is important. Buy some books on "The art of love", try mutual massage- or you just give her one not expecting one in return. Buy a book on sensual massage if you are currently lacking in those skills. Wine her, dine her, bring her flowers- share with her the inner secrets of your soul!Look her deeply in the eyes when you make love- take the time to do it right. Try some of the Kama Sutra line of products (honey dust, oils- they're very classy, of good quality and have nice packaging).<BR>If she feels its past the point of saving- then you've got a whole other set of issues to deal with.<BR>But if it is worth saving in her eyes- prove it to her! Plus- you need to allow her to grow into the mature person she is to become(this is assuming ya'll are in your twenties). I mean, I'm a different person now than I was at 24. You need to allow youreslf to grow and mature along with her.<BR>Get that counselling (if church counselling doesn't cut it for you- do *not* hesitate in getting secular professional counselling)- and turn on the romance.<BR>Good Luck!

Yes you are right I am 25 and she is 21. She can look me straight in the eye and say she wants to work on our marriage and hopes it will work out. But minutes later she is asking me if I could deal with it if she moves out to try to find herself. I hope over the next month she will be able to decide "emotionally" what she wants to do. It is so hard when she keeps going back and forth. <P>Yes I have recently bought some books on how to sexually please a women. Though that is not the problem she needs to feel the passion that I do. I have to allow myself to show my feelings. Wish I new a way to do that.<P>I wish I new how to "Plus- you need to allow her to grow into the mature person she is to become". Do I leave her alone, try to join her, force her to do stuff, wait for her to ask, etc... Right now she admits she has know idea how I can help her, so until then I do not know what to do.