Just so you know I am new to this. . But I just had to see if someone could give me some advice. My fiance and I have been dating for 3 yrs and I love him so very much. He is a wonderful man. The problem is this, when we first started dating we had this wildly passionate relationship, not sex, but just loving every second of being with each other. The past year however, we were both stressed out graduating from college and we really lost some of our . . passionate love, not the committment side or the friendship love, he is truely my best friend. However, we grew apart for a few months, emotionally, we both realized that we had lost something, and began to analyze our relationship. . and wonder what love really is. .is love just the lovey dovey feelings, I hope not, because they aren't always there, but I love the way he can make me laugh when I am sad or listen to me when I need to talk. . is it just how I feel when he kisses me. . or is it that he is my best friend and I know he will be there for me through the thick and the thin. .? That I would do anything for him and I know he would do the same. . Or should those "loving feelings" always be there? Should he still bring me flowers every day, like he did when we first were dating? Or is it ok to not be as romantic. .is romance just an illusion anyway. .? Just some thoughts? I really want to know what you think it takes to have a lasting marriage and love. . I know I love my fiance. . but what is the difference between loving him . .and being "in love" or is there a difference at all ? Is it the one and the same. . ? Does it mean something wonderful that even after analyzing our relationship to death. . we chose each other. . we chose to keep going on. .and continue loving. . or is it bad that we had to think about it at all or is this normal to question love. . ? Ok enought for now. .feedback anyone

I've been married just once for last 18 years. What you're going through / asking sounds totally normal to me. If you read the research you find out that relationships go through various stages, starting from the crazy passionate stage, to more subdued but deeper forms of love.<P>One expert said "Love is not a problem to be solved, it's a mystery to be lived."<P>Having said that, there are a lot of things that you and your fiance can do to deepen and strengthen your relationship. This site has a lot of great advice. Study it. I also teach a program called Relationship Enhancement, which is a set of relationship skills that help you to discuss issues openly and honestly without getting into arguments. If you'd like more information, drop me a note.<P>Best wishes,<BR>empathic@onebox.com