My husband and I have been married for four years now. We do a lot of unnecessary fighting, and it is beginning to take it's toll on our marriage. This last weekend, we got into a fight and he took some of his things and left. He thinks I have a split personality and need some professional help. He has not made any promises of when he is coming home, he feels he needs to see a change in me before he does. I have taken that first step to making things right by seeing a counselor and going to the Dr. My Dr. says I have a chemical imbalance and has prescibed me some medicine. I have let my husband know this, but still refuses to come home. My diagnosis is that he should see that I am taking the steps to make a change and be willing to come home and work on our marriage, because I am obviously not going to change overnight. How should I handle this? Should I give him an altimatum or just give him some more time. I have did all that I can do and only time will tell. What should I do?

Well, it seems like you both have spent four years working up to this mess, so it is reasonable that it will take a while to get out of it. <P>I don't think you should give him an ultimatum. You want him to realize you can't change overnight, but you've got to realize he can't change that quickly, either. Since he's already left, I would guess he would choose to leave you completely if you pushed him.<P>Show him as much love as you can, and think about ways to make him happy. Tell him you want to work on it together, that you realize it will take time for both of you, and that you need to spend time together to build intimacy, love and trust again. Make a list of all the things you love about him and give it to him. Make a list of why he's the man you want to be married to, and give him that, too. <P>Good luck. I've been working early on in my marriage to avoid anything like this in the future. It is hard work, but worth it. I hope you find the same. <BR>PG