I know that this isn't going to be easy but I think that it shouldn't be as hard as it is. Sometimes you feel like just giving up and letting it die. Especially when you here a particular song or images pop up in your mind. For me its bad dreams at night. Sometimes I dream about them being togehter. In the dreams she is actually talking to me and I am standing there watching it all happen. I can actually see myself and I am screaming do something don't just stand ther and its like I am rooted to that spot and everything I say is in slow motion. I scream noOOOOOOOOOO an d all she does is laugh. I tell myself its a dream just a dream wake up and when I do he is holding because I've cried out in my sleep. Sometimes I feel like hurting him for the hurt I feel. When I have dreams like this it messes my whole day up. I need some insight on getting over this. HELP?

Gosh! This ones hard! I thought about it and have also experienced the nightmares - even as unstopable day dreams. During the day I try to reconnize it's not going to help me to heal and say to myself/the thought "CUT IT OUT!". At night it's a reminder, although things are getting better, I'm still not over the pain you have to ignore to function day to day. Not the answer you wanted, uh? We are both lucky from the posting I've read we have our H to see our pain they caused and are willing to work through this time. Remember the saying: One step, foreward two steps back? Well, after a few backwards steps I suddenly skip ahead three or four steps to that far off place called recovery. Take Care,<BR> BECCA

Spicey2-<BR>I feel for what you are going through. I sometimes have the same feeling of wanting to hurt my H for all the pain he has (and still is)put me through with his infidelities. But we all know that wouldn't solve anything- Right? On a brighter note> I have found that dreams can tell you alot about our subconscious thoughts and feelings. I think your dream represents your feelings of helplessnes and hurt you have kept in over your H's affair. If it doesn't come out in the waking world (conscious state) your subconscious will release all the emotions in the form of dreams to let the feelings out. I suggest getting a dream analysis book- By understanding your dreams you can get an idea of what they mean and it may help in understanding and embracing the pain on the outside- Which will lead to the dreams stopping. Look inside yourself for the answers- I hope this has been helpful. You WILL get through this and be able to sleep soundly once again! All that you are feeling is normal- join the club!! Hope things are looking up soon.<BR>Moonbeam<P>------------------<BR>MAY WE ALL FIND PEACE, LOVE AND COMPASSION IN OUR WORLD(:

Sorry had to do somethings as soon as I got on last night. Thanks to everyone that answered me. I am trying to be strong but sometimes it is hard. I try telling myself that some people have it harder then I do but it doesn't wotk all the time.

Spciey2,<P>Going through Posts and read yours. I too can relate to the dreamworld. It's a nightmare for me. Changes my whole mood for the day and I have to struggle all over again. The waking hours can be just as bad. I'll be going along doing what I should and then I will see a woman and there the thoughts run wild again. Is that what she looked like? Did he find OW sexier than me? ETC. etc. I tell myself to stop it. Doesn't work sometimes, other times I can manage it for a while. I am afraid of sleeping because of what I dream and mostly when I lay down in the dark, HERE IT IS! The good ole imagination starts is reel to reel and I get up and stay that way until I get so tired I<BR>sleep so deep that if I dream I don't remember it. Perhaps analysing the dreams and writing them down would be a good idea for both of us. If this would help I'm ready for it. Even when I'm praying I get interrupted by horrible images of H and OW.<BR>This may sound strange, but I can feel satan laughing.

I guess my post under the thread "I'm a nag" falls under this one. I've done really well up until this week and I feel like a big old cloud just won't let me go. I found a big set of pictures from when our house was under construction (from grading to the very end). The old floodgates opened. As I said -- I miss my house (it was the house of our dreams -- sold first day on the market at asking price and buyers still got a hell of a deal). I miss my old life -- having one job, a home, husband, a big Christmas tree and a family.<P>'Tis the season I guess. I'm going to try and stop "ragging" my son unless he leaves the apartment door standing wide open again. He is taking his girlfriend to KY tomorrow to see her family until Sat. When he leaves Sun to go back to school I'll cry again. Can't I be happy??? <P>Husband will be home Wednesday night and I'll be seeing him. Hope the mood I'm in goes away, because today I hate him as much as I love him at other times. I resent what he's taken from me and the kids and how he has changed my life. <P>Maybe I need to beg the doc for Paxil again. She wouldn't renew the RX in August because she said I didn't need it. <p>[This message has been edited by Janie (edited November 23, 1999).]