My bf and I have been dating for 2 years and have been talking about getting married almost the entire time. We have purchased a ring (we picked it out together) and its sitting in his room... the closer we get to actually going through with it the more doubts we have. I don't know if I'm having so many doubts that my answer is right there in front of me or if I'm just scared and we will really be ok. We've had a lot of problems, in a few main areas:
1)issues over money and contol - I was raised by parents who were very careful and responsible with their money and my mom took a lot of control in their relationship. I've picked up all of their habits in that respect, good and bad.
2)issues over freedom and friends... my parents don't got out a lot or do things specifically without the other person. They do things together. I want us to have more friends than our parents, but I have a hard time with him going out w/ his friends without me, especially when it involves spending our money. And I REALLy don't
like a lot of his friends. I feel they are immature, drink too much and are not intellegent.
3)his temper - he is the quietest sweetest person to everyone around him except his parents and me whom he feels most comfortable with. He looses his patience and gets frustrated very easily and then gets very angry. Which in turn makes me furious and we scream and yell at each other and i'll smack him to get him to stop because I feel its escalated to the point where there is nothing else I can do to stop him. Which of course
prompts him to get more angry and want to hit me back. He has never brought physcial violence on to me, only as a reaction to me hitting him first and even then he trys to restrain himself, but the anger itself is something I don't want to live with. He still lives with his parents to save money and I know that is hard on him but its no exuse and how do I know if he lived with me he wouldn't turn the frustration on to me?
4)intellectual compatibility. I feel that I'm smarter than my bf, I don't feel that he is in anyway dumb, but he is much quieter than me and does not engage in intellectual behaviour or conversations with me and its been a very
tough subject.
But on the good side, we have and do talk about all of these issues. We had a really good talk last night and it gives me lots of hope. They have been issues the entire 2 years which makes it hard because I wonder if we will resolve them. I worry that i have this Perfect view of a husband that he or any other man can't fill. We love to
cuddle together and fall asleep together, we are committed to working out our issues, but my question is how do you know when its too hard? How do you know how much you should accept in the other person, and how much you should try to change your own view points to meet the other person halfway, or if there really is someone better out there?<p>I need to figure this out. Everyone thinks we are getting married, and he may even want to propose this weekend, despite our doubts. I really need to feel secure in my decision either way, and its so hard because I love him so much and I want to take care of him.
