i need some advice. i am 20. i met my ex-fiance almost two years ago in college. we dated for 3 months and fell head over heels in love. then i left for USAF basic training and she started school at texas a&m. after i came home, i travled back and forth between houston and college station to see her, and we saw each other on the weekends. believe it or not we kept our relationship alive. knowing that i would be leaving again in two months for school, we were an inseperable couple. two weeks before i left i came to the conclusion that i couldn't live without her, and proposed. we were engaged. we were so happy. we decided to put the wedding off until she graduated college. we both left for school. i was in missouri, she at A&M. we talked everyday, and missed each other very much. three months later, i came home and we were together for the holidays. in january, she went back to school. and i stayed in houston. then i decided, i wanted to move to a&m to be with her. so, i did. we were happy. but we started to argue alot. i'm a very insecure person. i was always afraid of losing her. either to another or an accident, whatever. practically paranoid. it took a serious toll on our relationship. we were falling out of love with each other. neither of us had ever had a serious relationship before. we were learning. but in the process, our's was falling apart. then this october, i was activated into active duty and sent over seas. we talked and everything seemed ok. two days, before i returned we talked and she said something that broke my heart. she said that she didn't want to be held back and felt that i was holding her back. she wants to be 20 and enjoy it. i agreed that our engagement was premature and needed to be called off. she also said that she didn't want to be with me anymore. she says that she thinks we should see other people and gain some experience to see if we are really right for each other. on one hand i agree. on the other. i realize that i took her love for granted, and i lost the most important thing in my life. thats part of my problem, i treated her like a "thing" and not a person. i regret that. i want to show her that i've changed and that i can make her happy. she doesnt want to see me. i think its because if she does, she will fall for me again. and is afraid of being hurt again. how do i get her to see me? how can i show her that i've changed? i keep telling myself. that if i love her. i should let her go. and if she comes back then love her forever. but i'm afraid that she'll never come back, cause she doesnt think i can make her happy. well there's more details. i've tried to give the jist of it. if you can help. please tell me how. thanks!

Hi, and welcome...<p>Just so you know, you may find that you don't get a lot of response--this area of the BB doesn't get a lot of traffic. You can always repost in another area if you want more responses than you get. <p>Your story sounds kinda of familiar to me, except I was the girl in the story, and my ex-fiance was the one who first suggested dating others for a while (but it was at TAMU!) Neither of us had had a lot of other relationships, so on one hand, it made sense not to commit with so little expereince of other relationships. But, then again, not having a lot of experience also makes it scarier to let go of your relationship. <p>We agreed to date others for 3 months, and then see if we wanted to date again. At the end of the 3 months, he (the one who had wanted to date others) wanted to get engaged again. I did not...I had begun to realize that he might not truly be the best choice for me, and had also begun to date a guy I wanted to get to know better. To make a long story short, we both ended up married to other people, and I think happier than we would have been together.<p>I guess my point is that-- as you seem to recognise, dating others may be a good idea. At the end of a few months, she may have changed her mind and decided she wants back with you, or at least to give dating you another shot. Or, you may have decided that you are not ready for that. But whatever the future holds, you cannot hold her against her will now. You can get some experience dating others and be in a better position to decide if she is truly what you want.<p>Good luck--<p>Kathi