This my first time posting. My new husband and I are going into our 3rd month of marriage and it not what I thought it would be like. My husband is not the man I thought I was marring. I never thought someone could change so fast but it happend. We had been dating for 7 years and thought marriage was the next step. I thought after dating for 7 years that I knew almost everything there was to know about him. Before getting married we had lived together for about 8 months so I really thought I knew him well. I loved everything about him and I still do. I'm not saying that I made a mistake about marring him but for the last 3 months he's changed. Before we were married he hated going out to bars no all of a sudden he loves it (only he doen't like hanging with me at a bar). I have spent more time alone then with him. This is hard for me because before we were like attached at the hips. We spent alot of time together now since we've been married we don't. He'll go out stay out until all hours of the morning and most times comes home feeling pretty good (if you know what I mean) This is so unlike him... Lately hes been so hard to talk to, kind of like we have nothing in common anymore. I'm looking for any advise anyone has (please help)

Hey there, welcome to MB!<p>First, how old are you guys?
I have the same problem as your H...my W says that I changed over nite...in my case, you can't get me to go out....it is the marriage repsonsibility thing....maybe he now sees the ring on your fingers as 'that anchor' and he needs to assure himself that he can go out if he wants to....but he should not be so rude as to leave you out. You are his wife, his other half.<p>How have your conversations toward this gone? Have you talked to him?<p>
Do you have any girlfriends that you can go hang with? Maybe if he saw you do the same thing, it maight kick him in the pants a little....<p>Just my ramblings.

I can understand why your are upset. Before I was married, I liked going to clubs with my friends and when I was dating my now Xhusband, he knew this. When we got married, I continued to go out every so often with friends and I remeber one night we had a talk about it. He didn't like going out much at all and hated dancing (which is mainly why I liked going out). I asked if it bothered him and he said "no". I thought that was odd, but then he made a very good comment...<p>"When I met you, you liked going out and I knew this. If you are going to mess around, you can do it anywhere. Now had you NOT liked going out before we married and all of a sudden changed, then I would be worried"<p>I thought that was a very "intelligent" comment at the time (and still do). I am not saying your H is doing anything but your post just made me think of my X's comment from long ago.

Freddy B thanks for your reply
My husband and I are both 24. He's already told me that he thinks he was to young to get married in the first place. It's a little late to be thinking that. I don't think hes ready to grow up because he sees his friends and how they act and they don't have a reason to grow up. I hope he decides to grow up before he gets himself into trouble. Hes been hanging out with the wrong people and at the wrong places. These people and places could very well get him in trouble. I just hope he still has a good enough head on his shoulders to know better. Lately he has been to unhappy, and this is making me unhappy. I've tried to talk to him but it like he doesnt hear me, or doesn't want to. It come to the point that I'm not the only one noticing this complete turn around in him. So now I know it not just me, but I don't know what to do about it.
Your suggestion about going out with friends of mine and giving him a taste of his own medicine is a good idea. I think I will start letting him wonder about where I am and who with. Why should all the wondering be on my shoulders? This marriage definitly isn't what I expected and where only going on 3 months into it. People told me the 1st year is the hardest but really how hard does it get? I don't know how much more I can take. Tell me if I wrong but I thought it takes 2 to make a marriage work. So Far I've been in this marriage all by myself.<p>Well thanks again for your reply it was helpful.

Once again;<p>Welcome to MB! It sounds to me like your H is having a defenite problem handling the responsibility of being married.<p>When you are 'just' living with someone, there is no commitment beyond the surface one of trying to figure out the split of the bills, who gets to take a shower when and so on.... Marriage is a commitment to the bottom of the soul. You have to be willing to give up yourself completely. By giving yourself up completely, you basically start over wit your life and build your married life together.<p>There are those, like my W, who preach that you can be married and yet be free to do what you want.....like having your cake and eating it too.
Your H, I guess was thinking that marriage would be this great thing...he could be your buddy, go hang with the guys and still come home to you warming the bed....when he got married, he found that he had to give over everything that was all his to you, put you on the bills, and rents and so on and so forth. How invasive.<p>You said in your post that he now regrets being married...well too bad. Yes, most men do not fully mature until sometime between 25 and 30, but he has entered into a adult contract. Made an adult committment and now he has to stick to it.<p>You have two ways to go from here...find ways to stick together or just chuck it like everyone else seems to do these days. You don't want to chuck it or you wouldn't be here. Sooooooo now you have to get him to not want to chuck it.

Hi! I was in the same boat as you but after about two years of marriage. My husband wanted to spend all his time with his friends, going out, partying, and having a good time while I stayed at home alone. I kept telling him repeatedly, but he wouldn't listen until one day a friend of his messed up badly and made me so upset that I decided to leave my husband. <p>Luckily, before I even got two suitcases packed my husband came in and we talked---well more like screamed, shouted, calmed down and then talked. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But it was in the open once and for all. We have now been married for six years and still going strong. We have our ups and downs, no marriage is perfect but he is home everyday after work and we go out together on the weekends. It just took some compromising and working together.<p>I hope that it never gets to the extreme that you have to leave your husband. I hope your husband realizes what he is doing to himself and his marriage before it is to late. The best advice I can give you is to spend time with your friends, get to know yourself better, maybe take some lessons you always wanted to take, but don't worry yourself to death over it. Maybe when he sees how happy you are without him--he will wise up. <p>Good Luck!