Hello,
I am new to this board. I have been married for only 10 months but we have been friends forever.
The problem is my husband is a person who internalizes his feelings. I never know what he is feeling. He has no sense of intimacy or romance. We have tried to work it out but to no avail. Then he gets upset and wonders why when we have an argument, I want a divorce. We have tried to go to counseling but that has not seemed to work either. I can't believe we would divorce over something this petty. This is also his second marriage. In his first, he went out and got a divorce and regretted it.
Now he is saying he can't trust me to stay in the marriage because I keep attacking the "covenant".
He doesn't even want to acknowledge how I feel.
PLEASE HELP!

I am experiencing both sides to your dilemma. She won't be affectionate, but also tells me she wants to break up when I bring up my needs. Don't tell your husband you want a divorce. As you can probably tell it shakes his security of knowing you will be there for him. He has already been through one divorce and when you mention it, he will become concerned and not be able to trust you. This in turn makes it harder to fulfill your needs, because he will not want to respond to you if you doesn't know when you will want tp through the towel next time. Petty things are what causes break-ups and reading the articles in marriage builders is a great way to begin the healing. Give your husband a big hug and tell him you will be there for him no matter what and eventually his love and trust will return and together you two can discuss each others needs.

Thanks Fargo for your response. However, I think I am a day late and dollar short. He told me last night that he cannot trust me and he does not know if he can continue in this marriage. I told him that I know I have thrown divorce up before but if he could please give me one more chance? I asked him if he had any other issues and he said the only issue was the trust in me staying with him. I just cried and went up stairs. I have screwed up royally this time.

I too have been told no more chances, the only thing I know to do is ask your husband to look over the MarriageBuilders site toghether and show him through actions and love that you are happy with him.

I have to agree with Fargo7's last comment. I am in the same situation, and what I have done is taken our relationship to a stagnant level. Although it is not great, it is not awful. And we are at a point that we can talk about it. My W, who hates computers has actually taken some time to do some of the questionaires and reading on this site.
I have threatened divorce myself, because my W has not let her feeling out and I have gotten to frustrated with guessing poorly.<p>The one questionaire that we have done together is the recreational inquiry. We actually agreed on more things then we have ever agreed on before! And we are going to take the first step together this weekend.
Maybe after things cool down you and your H can try taking it one step at a time.
I hope this was some help.<p>Good Luck! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]