I have just said goodbye to my most important person in the world. I am in a committed relationship, and I'm ashamed to say, but for the past 2 years I have been the OW to the man that makes my world alive. We met innocently enough, through work and immediately clicked...everything seemed to match. We got along great and had the same likes and dislikes. I had feelings I never knew I could have and I knew he truly cared for me. He did more for me than any person on this earth ever has and always made me smile. When things began getting involved, he left the workplace, but still kept in contact with daily emails or phone calls. We felt even closer being apart, if that makes sense. He called me from his vacation, remembered all the holidays and even little "nonsense" things we talked about....he gave me a ceramic snowman because I often talked about how much fun it would be to make one during a snowstorm! Because of our contact, things were rough on his homefront. His W knew of me and met me as a friend (although she didn't know of our time spent together) and made his life as bad as she could. He didn't neglect her (or his 2 kids), he did all the housework, cooking, cleaning and tried to make her happy. A few weeks ago she found his password and began reading our emails. At her urging, the daily emails and contact stopped since he wanted to please her. Just last night he told me that although we can remain friends, the A may have to stop....I thought he was going to try to make things better at home and respect him for that decision. However, much to my surprise, he told me he found the "perfect woman" (also married), and was thinking of beginning an A with her, and didn't know if he could deal with both of us, beside his wife!! He said he cares for the OW (he does not love me, but cares deeply for me) and does indeed love his wife. (But he has a deep "curiosity" of what it would be like to be with other women.) I was shocked as I never expected this. He is confused and does not want to end all contact with me. I love him so much and don't want to lose him, as my world will always revolve around him. I know it was stupid of me, but I told him I will always be there for him, for any reason. I love him so much I can't be angry or turn against him. I know we were both wrong for being involved and now I may be getting what I deserved for the deceit we showed his wife and my significant other the past 2 years. He didn't want me to fall in love with him....but it was so easy...I never connected with anyone the way I did with him. I feel like he is my destiny, as I've never felt a connection so strong with anyone else. I know he wants to pursue this OW, and can tell he has strong feelings for her. He doesn't want to hurt me, but I can't stand in the way of his happiness. I won't. Making him happy was my priority and always will be. I'm lost, confused and want him forever, but know I can't have him. Everywhere I look is a reminder of him or something he gave me. When I listen to the radio, there are songs which were special to us. I feel so empty and lost knowing (for now) he wants to be with another woman. He did say we would remain friends and will keep in touch. He also said he is not giving me up, but is waiting to see how the other relationship progresses. After crying and being heartbroken, I feel that we will still be together one day. For some strange reason, he felt he had to be honest to me. This confuses me, as he deceived his wife for the past 2 years about me, and also told the OW that he wasn't presently involved with anyone. Why did he feel he had to be honest to me?? Does this mean he really cares more than he wants to admit or believe?? We both admit that there is some unexplainable connection between us. He was the brightest spot in my life, and I believe I was the brightest spot in his also, always making him laugh. What do I do? How do I deal with this?? HELP!!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: djmusicbox ]<p>[ March 29, 2002: Message edited by: djmusicbox ]</p>

Do you really want to continue seeing this guy? It sounds to me like he was in it for the S and did grow to care about you but that's all he was in it for. <p>I am no one to give you advice, all of us on this board have our share of problems in our relationships. <p>How long has the A been going on?

Hi Kiearha, thank you for your reply and I do need advice. As dumb as it is, yes, I do want to continue seeing him. I never knew I could love someone as deeply as I do him, and I know I shouldn't. He is my whole world, I feel so empty and lost without him. And, as you said, he may have only been in it for the S (and at first, I believe he was, but he does care for me). The A has been going on for 2 years. When I spoke with him a day ago, he told me that "we" are still going strong, he is not ready to "throw me away" just yet for this other person. (I guess he is waiting to see how it progresses, she isn't sure she wants S, as so far they have only hugged and kissed and she is hesistant to have an A, as she has alot to lose if it was discovered by her H.) He is so charming and sweet that I don't know how any woman could resist him. It would be so much easier if I could only hate him and turn him away, but I can't. I would do anything for him because he is the only man I have ever loved so deeply and I know I could never love this way again. When I think about him being with someone else, it tears me apart. How can I stop loving him? He is my whole world.

You know, dj, to hear you talking it sounds like my feelings were about my ex-h. I had built my world around him and he was charming and to-die-for handsome. So I used these marriagebuilders principles... and I loved him without getting my needs met in return. And IT WORKED! Yes, I said EX, and it did not make him stay. But it made me a better person, and by the time I was ready to leave, I didn't love him anymore. He had hurt me enough to totally burst that love bubble. He is still charming and handsome... but he is no longer irresistable, and my decisions and my life revolve around other things now.<p>I can't say that I encourage you to stay with someone who cheats... My saying is "If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you." But I can say that if you retain your dignity, and still love him with all your might... that someday you will stop loving him when he has done enough to hurt you. For each of us, that is a different time. You will know.

NoraP, thanks for the words of wisdom. Maybe someday I will realize that he hurt me enough for me to stop loving him. And I also believe in your saying "that if he cheats with me, he will cheat on me". That is true, and he is attempting to with this OW, but had told me, so is that really cheating?? This has me so confused and I'm glad that I entered this MB site, I have no one to talk to about all this. None of my friends or family know what has been happening in my life, as I do not want them to know my situation with this OM. I don't know why I ever fell in love with him to begin with. He is not like any guy I've ever been interested in. There was just "something there" beyond my control drawing me to him. I do appreciate advice and help in dealing with this, as it is tearing me apart.

I guess I just need to vent. Soon after I met my "perfect guy" I bought a copy of Dr. H's HN/HN, to try to understand why he would have an A. From reading it, I've always known that we've filled every need for each other....maybe that is why the relationship always seemed so "right". Now thinking about this OW, I've come to realize that I need to let him follow his heart on this. I can't be selfish. I also believe in the saying, "if you love something set it free; if it comes back to you, it is yours; if not, it was never meant to be." I do miss him terribly. I guess I what I miss most, beside the daily contact with emails or phone calls is knowing that he always thought about me. We always seemed to think about each other alot....almost an ESP or something. At lot of times when I was thinking about him, he would call...and vice versa. Now I know he is thinking about the OW, and that is painful. On one hand I feel that he will be back to me, I know I made him happy and he wasn't used to anyone making him feel that way. On the other hand, I feel that it is over. The OW will make him happier than I ever could, especially since he sees her as his "perfect woman". I'm still confused but am dealing with it. Sorry for the long post.