I am geting tired of waiting for a change in him. We have been together for 2 years and all I hear is it will not always be this way. How is that we are supposed to be getting married but he can't seem to stay home more than an hour at a time. I hardly ever see him spend time with our son and I ready to start seeing other people, because frankly I forgot if this is what relationships are really like. It seems like I keep trying to talk to him but he does not here me. I feel like if I marry him he will continue to play games and act like a kid. We live together and have a child together, the first step should have been marriage but I think I just should give up, I am tired of pressuring him to stay home, be intimate etc. he swares up and down he is not cheating, but I think I am going to ask him if we can see other people. WHat do you think? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p> kiearha@worldnet.att.net

Now as I said before, begging him to stay home, all i had to do was take a shower and he's gone when i get out.<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by kiearha:
<strong>I am geting tired of waiting for a change in him. We have been together for 2 years and all I hear is it will not always be this way. How is that we are supposed to be getting married but he can't seem to stay home more than an hour at a time. I hardly ever see him spend time with our son and I ready to start seeing other people, because frankly I forgot if this is what relationships are really like. It seems like I keep trying to talk to him but he does not here me. I feel like if I marry him he will continue to play games and act like a kid. We live together and have a child together, the first step should have been marriage but I think I just should give up, I am tired of pressuring him to stay home, be intimate etc. he swares up and down he is not cheating, but I think I am going to ask him if we can see other people. WHat do you think? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p> kiearha@worldnet.att.net </strong><hr></blockquote>

Aw gee, I feel nervous about telling you something like 'Don't marry him.' Or 'Yes, see other people.'<p>I would encourage you to talk to him and say something like you don't feel comfortable marrying him because ....<p>Try to think about what you want the partner (and father-figure for your child) to be like. Maybe you should share this with him as well, to make him aware of your expectations.<p>Bottom line, I guess is, that you don't HAVE to marry him just because he is your baby-father.<p>best wishes,<p>Anise

Problems that exist before marriage tend to get larger, not smaller, afterwards.<p>Would he consider doing some couples counseling with you, prior to getting married? Or maybe go thru the MB plan with you (see the info under "Concepts" link at top of the page).<p>Hopefully, you can work together to meet both of your needs in this relationship, and make it a truly wonderful one. But, if not, do not expect that marriage will make the issues go away...it won't.<p>Good luck--<p>Kathi

I've been reading this site alot longer than I've been posting but I'm not sure of much of anything these days, so take me for what I'm worth....
-and hopefully you will follow the MB lingo I'm about to use...<p>First of all I would recommend Couples counceling... but here's another option:<p>Maybe he's cheating, maybe he isn't... who knows? Maybe he is just scared and likes being able to stay sitting on the fence... and he will sit on the fence as long as you let him... <p>Good thing for you though: even if there is no infidelity, plan A and plan B are still excellent for resolving fence sitting problems (not sure which way it will go, but in the end it will be resolved and you will have self respect -and he'll have more respect for you)...

Now, it sounds like you have been plan A'ing him for some time.... perhaps it is time for a bit of plan B... <p>Maybe you tell him you wont live like this any longer, make him move out (or you and baby move out) and then cut of ALL contact with him... and limit his contact with the baby... (it must be cutting off ALL contact with you though- do not let him have his cake and eat it too) <p>Let your last words to him be something that expresses that you want to be married to him, but he has to commit and he has to get off the fence. -then let him know you will not wait forever.<p>Then I'd wait a bit, don't make a decision you can't be honest with him about later if he suddenly pulls his head out of his butt and starts acting like someone you want to marry. <p>He will try to ignore the no contact thing to find out if you are dating... do not tell him you are not dating... maybe even let him believe you are dating... and whatch what happens...<p>If it doesn't work... then at some point you will be ready to start dating and will do so for real... remember you are a mom and you need to take care of you and your baby... and that means protecting yourself.

Sorry... <p>what I meant by protecting yourself is to think before you act, make your moves cautiously and deliberately, not impulsively or out of hurt, anger, or emotion... <p>You can handle this... be assertive, and strong. Respect yourself and take care of yourself... and he will see you doing something he can respect....<p>That should get him off the fence... if not, then you will move on in a deliberate and healthy way...<p>Hope this helps... its just an option....

Couple Counseling here we come -
We have decided to see a counselor. He has since started calling home more while he was a work, staying in and doing everything to ease the stress between us. I talked to him, after writing and I said if things don't change this will be the last warning. So he has gotten his act together and we are making an effort to move in the right direction!
Thank you all for your responses!