For Several months now I have been 'dating' a man who lives 1500 miles away. The reason I put dating in quotes is because we rarely see eachother. Things between us are great, but neither of us is in a position to move right now (I am preparing for Graduate School and he is finishing his undergraduate work.) We are both 23 years old and feel that we are in a place in our life where we would like to get married. The problem is that although we want to marry eachother, we don't think that getting engaged is a good idea for two people who have barely been able to see eachother for the last 5 years (although we have been friends for over 10 years). I guess my question is, can you be sure about the person to marry without spending a lot of time together (other than on the phone)? Why(How) or Why not? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I agree with you. I do think it is important to spend some time with the person you want to marry.<p>I think you should look at engagement period as a time of preparation - not only for the wedding, but for the marriage. Perhaps you've read Dr. Harley's articles on preparing for marriage? In these, he goes into what kind of things you should be getting to know about your partner before you make this important commitment. That's what engagements are for, I think. I mean, engagements can always be called off, if you find that you and your partner do not share the same values.<p>You sound worried though, and I am tempted to suggest that you could extend the engagement for a few months, so that you could both spend some time together in the same town before you marry.<p>However, your long friendship indicates (?) that this is not a total stranger to you either. So that's also good.<p>[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Anise ]<p>[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Anise ]</p>

I married my highschool sweetheart. We were "steady" for over 9 years and on our 7th year of marriage.<p>After highschool, I joined the U. S. Navy for 4 years. It was a long distance relationship, phonecalls (pre-email era) racked up to
$300/mo and I would drive 469 mi one way to see her on a weekend when I can, same for holidays.<p>After I got out of the Navy, I lived near her. This changed in environment NEEDED some adjustment. I thought that after 4 years of being 'away' would be happy days. It took us another 4 years of adjusting just to be near each other and seeing each other everyday. Sometimes it's overwhelming for her that we broke up for petty reasons.<p>College and Work also provided new avenues to meet other people. It's a risk, a huge risk, but all I could do was to better myself, present myself to her lovingly and honestly that I am worth her time again after being away.<p>Good luck.