My dear friends,<P>I write these words with tears in my eyes.<P>I am signing off. I have finally come to the realization that my husband is not coming home. you would think that I would have realized that long ago, but something kept me from letting go.<P>Holding on to him and my marriage, has become a tortureous act. I can no longer do it.<P>As much as I would love my husband to burst through my front door right now, I know it is not going to happen. He has chosen a different road, a road of destruction, in my opinion. I cannot make him want to try again.<P>I don't know how I am going to completely let go; I will leave that up to God. I know that God hates divorce and so do I, but there comes a time when you just can't continue to hold on to hope.<P>So many days in the past months, I have thought that he was coming around. I have held on to the littlest glimmer, only to be more devastated when it turned out to be nothing.<P>This forum saved my life. Without the love, support and encouragement from all of you, I would never have gotten this far. The love on this board is amazing to me.<P>I will miss you all. You all have a very special place in my heart, and I pray that God bless each and everyone of you. You are are very special people.<P>This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I must go. I must discover what God has planned for me after my marriage is dissolved. I need to find myself.<P>Thank you all. Those words don't even come close to what I want to say, but words are hard to come by for me right now.<P>I will miss you all. Good luck to you. I hope that your situations end better than mine.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

ceecee,<P>You must do what you must and believe what you must, but I think you are giving up too soon. Read freedom's post about his story - FIVE YEARS! Three years of a secret affair and two years of openly living together ... and he is now working on reconciliation with his wife.<P>Please also think about leaving here - even if you are no longer intent on rebuilding your marriage, we can offer you support and strength.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Cheryl,<P>I know this is a tough time for you...<BR>Your "modified" Plan B isn't having the effect you'd like. Nov. 12 post was a long time ago...<P>Think of your choice as not "a leaving"... but taking a "break"... we all need breaks some time.<P>If you feel you have to leave, I'd like to let you know it was an honor getting the replies I got from you. You're right... the love here is remarkable.<P>We'll all miss you...<BR>And even if you're not posting... <BR>I'll be praying for you as long as I'm here...<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Ah Cheryl,<P>I came by only to check my thread (I know, how selfish!) but as usual, I couldn't pass up your thread when I saw it <P>I am so very sorry to read this! I know how it feels to give up hope, and I know how it feels to wish, with all your heart, that your H would pull his head out of his a** and realize what he's missing wtih you. <P>But also, take it from me, you may change your mind tomorrow, or next week, and you will always be welcome here. I will also email you, and please let's continue to correspond, okay??<P>~Sheryl (with an S )<BR><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

ceecee,<P>Of course, only you can decide when to give up your struggle. I can hear so much pain in your post. I feel really badly for you. Your H's affair started in Feb, when my H's did. It has been a long, long haul, hasn't it??<P>But, as terri says, you are still welcome to stay here and maybe can benefit from venting your frustrations and find friendship and support of a different nature here. You still have a lot of roller coaster left to ride, even if you 2 end up D'ed.<P>We would love to be able to offer even one kind word here or there to you. But, whatever you decide is best for your recovery from all of this, wishing you life's VERY best!<P>Roll Me Away<P>

hi cheryl (another who spells it correctly!)<BR>You have gained so very much thru this struggle. You are a much stronger person now than you were months ago. Look at the change in your posts. <BR>All the work we do is so very hard, so very painful. It does get tiresome. Sometimes it feels like this whole mess is running everyting in our lives. We all need to take mini-vacations, if nothing else just to rest our weary minds. Sometimes just letting it fall by the wayside for awhile gives renewed strength. I believe it also helps us look at things clearer. en paz, cl

Ceecee. Just because you fill that he isn't come back don't leave completely you will need the suppor and love to be able to handle this rollercoaster ride. I know it is hard to read certain post but please post to us even if you can't respond to others just to let us know how you are doing. Even after my post today I still feel that I am heading the same place you are. You have my email address so anytime you need support or want to vent or anything compare notes whatever write me. I do understand what you are going through.<BR>Remeber that there a lot of people who carry for you and want to give you support. BUt you have to do what you feel is best for you. Just remember you are in our prayers and we love you.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Cee cee,<P>I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have been having some terrible mood swings lately. One day I would like nothing more than for her to come back and build a marriage. Others I don't give a rat's [censored] about her. I'm sure you feel the same. Well not about Val but your H.<P>I have said this before and I hold steadfast that I will not give up on this marriage until I am dead for two years and then I might have to reconsider.<P>Sending you my best wishes and prayers.<P>Medic

I am sorry to hear that you are leaving - I will miss your posts. Please don't hesitate to come back if you ever decide it would be helpful. You have offered me so much support over the last few months - I really appreciate it.<P>

ceecee -- I too will miss your presence here. I understand your reasoning for leaving, so I will only say that I will be praying for you to find the peace and love you deserve.<P>I hope you will visit us once in a while. Or at least E-Mail.<P>God Bless

Oh, my sweet friends,<P>Thank you all so much. You have no idea what this means to me.<P>I found out today that my h- if I can still call him that- has not only 1 OW, but 2!! #2 is and has been around my precious D, and it is enough to push me over the edge.<P>My h is VERY troubled. And I can no longer carry this burden. I have to put him in the hands of the Lord, and pray that God has mercy on him.<P>I also found out this morning, that my h has been having affairs on me since the very early days of our marriage (possibly before).<P>I believe that he is a womanizer. That he harbors some very deep seeded wounds toward his mother, and that his behaviors and habits are really focused on his mother. I am not a professional, but I feel this to be true.<P>Given all of that, I hope you can see why I need to leave the 'Marriage Builders Forum'.<P>My marriage was a lie, and that is what I need to deal with. I need to figure out how to put all this garbage behind me, and find a new life for me and my D.<P>I love you all!!! I can't even tell you what you all mean to me.<P>Thank you once again for all your kind words, you undying support and much needed prayers.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>Hopefully you'll catch my response. Just wanted to say that you can stop by anytime and scream for help and we'll be there! If nothing else, at least I can send along some "happy vibes" your way.<P>good luck and take care of that little daughter of yours!<BR>--andy

ceecee,<P>You will make it. Your choice has not come easily, but in the end it has to be about your happiness. You may change your mind yet again, and that is okay too. This is only my first time at this site, posted my story earlier this morning. Wish I had done so long ago seeing all the love and support you have received. And if you should decide to pop back here once in awhile, there will always be a network of love waiting for you.<P>Lori

Cheryl, I'm so, so sorry that it is over for you. You are a very special person to me and I hope only for the best for you. You were a special friend here for me through the worst of times. We shared laughs and tears hopes and diappointments and I will never forget you. I'm sorry I haven't been here to support you like I should have been the past few months. My only excuse is I'm fighting like hell to keep my own marriage going.<BR>Good Luck in your future and I hope that you will find the man you needed your husband to be. There are many out there and I know that you will find the right one.<BR>I will miss you.<P>Love,<P>Jill

I am so very sorry for your pain. Good luck and God bless you and your daughter no matter what!

ceecee,<BR>My email is nilson_mike@hotmail.com. From there I will give you my phone # if you want....<BR> Take care of yourself....<BR>Michael<p>[This message has been edited by mkn (edited November 22, 1999).]

You guys and gals are the best.<P>I came by to check my post, and I found so much more love and support.<P>I consider you all to be my friends. You have helped me through the worst days and nights of my life.<P>I love you all very much. Thank you.<P>Cheryl

Hey, it's me. I e-mailed you, so I wouldn't bore everyone w/ my long-winded stuff!!!!<P>You're doing what you have to do. We're all here for you.<P>Talk w/ you later.<P>Lori