I would like to hear from all the married women out there who are stay at home moms, like myself. My husband works full time and pays all the bills. We have 2 children, one is in school all day, the other is in preschool. I finished a college program this past spring, and am desperately trying to enter the workforce after losing my full time job 2 years ago due to excessive absences (children being sick!!) I feel as if my husband resents me because he has to carry all the weight. He's not the complaining type, but his feelings come out in his actions. He will give me $ most of the time if I need it, but I feel like a real burden. We just, or should I say, HE just purchased our (or HIS) first home this past June, and he constantly reminds me that it isn't ours, it's HIS, because I didn't contribute a red penny. We,(OR HE) has 2 cars, and he honestly believes they are his. Everything is HIS, HIS, HIS. I feel like an outsider, like I don't belong here, when I'm the one taking care of home. I feel all he does is bring home cash. How do you get past the feelings of worthlessness?? How can you make him see you mean something, despite the fact you don't bring home a contributing income??

I know you all are not afraid to touch this one. C'mon. Somebody say something.

I'm not sure how to answer your question, but I wanted to offer sympathy and support. A SAHW contributes A LOT to the financial health of the household. Your husband is being selfish and disrespectful, and needs to grow up. Did he help with your "worthless" responsibilities when you were employed?

I am employed fulltime now, but was in and out of the workplace while my kids were growing up. The last time I quit work to stay home was in 1991. I was (am) an engineer, becoming a homeschool mom. I had been contributing about 40% of the household income, and we were both worried about reducing our income that much.

We were amazed to discover that, as soon as I was home fulltime, our spending dropped dramatically and our quality of life improved because we suddenly had TIME. I had time to cook real meals, so we didn't miss eating out so often. I had time to do household chores through the week, so we didn't have to devote our weekends to doing them. The kids got sick less often. And the house was less of a mess, too.

In general, people trade TIME for MONEY, and vice versa. You spend time to save money, or spend money to save time. Make something, or buy ready-made? Eat at home, or eat out? Take care of your own child, or pay daycare?

Certainly, there are compelling reasons to go to work, but I recommend to anybody willing to consider it, that one of the partners stay at home. As long as the single income covers the basic necessities, of course.
I think you might get more response on the Emotional Needs forum. This one doesn't get a lot of traffic. Weekends tend to be slow, too.

Thank you. I appreciate the support.

Lost72,

First, I want to tell you that you are in no way, shape, or form, worthless. You are the best thing that has ever happened to your husband, even if he doesn't know it. Eventhough you don't earn money, you perform the most important job in the world everyday- raising your children. That is a hard and thankless job and your husband is ridiculous to not appreciate you for it. What would he do without you? Who would take care of the children and the house if you were not around?

You might also want to remind him that just because he supports the household financially, you support it emotionally. You work just as hard as he does!

As far as thinking everything is his... are the children purely yours because you stay home with them? Would he entertain that idea for a single second? Also, when you are married, everything is a 50/50 split. Meaning, if the two of you were to divorce (which i am NOt suggesting), you would be entitled to half of everything. You husband is being very immature to think that everything is his and you shouldn't be made to feel as thought you are a teenager asking her parents for an allowance. Remind him that you are at home shaping little minds and raising them to be good people- and that you cannot tag a salary level to or put a price on.

I want to wish you luck. Your husband should realize how lucky he and your children are to have you. Stand up for yourself and let him know that you are not going to be made to feel like a dependent anymore. By raising your children you are doing more than your half. Ask him if perhaps he would like for you to go to work and he could stay home? Then you could tell him how everything is "yours." But then again, we know that that would not fly. Ask him to put the shoe on the other foot. He may just come back thanking you, because that is what you deserve!