I've been married less than a year (and knew my husband only a month when we did). And although I realize it's all still fresh I beat myself up regarding my H's past. I want to get over it and would love anyone's advice on how to do so...I love him dearly and do not regret our rush into marriage. I believe we can get through anything, we are very compatible and bonded, but I'm just haunted by all that happened in his past.
At barely 17, on the streets, my H got picked up & had sex with a 22 year old woman, who immediately (like a week or 2 later?)got pregnant. She demanded marriage and his father forced them to marry & H to join the Army after the child was born. At 18 1/2, he left the Army, he tried to divorce her, get custody of his daughter, with no avail, divorcing 2 years later. He "ran away" from home at 20 not seeing his daughter or family much (although never once missed a ludicrius $1000 ALIMONY!! and child support payment), did tons of drugs (pot, coke, even heroin), came back at 26, finished H.S. and went to college, basically got his life together.
His exW has has 2 other children (one right after the other after their divorce), by 2 other men and is now married to another man, with his child. H's daughter at 13 tried to poison her step-F, and then herself. H intervened, the state gave him partial custody. A year later, his own mother and exW "kidnapped" the D from him, moving her back in with her mother, where she now resides.
I'm having a hard time getting over all of this, partially because he does not ever like to discuss it, claiming that he did all he could do, fought for his D, everywhich way, she's a bad seed, etc. It took all my persuading, he did call her before we got married to tell her. That opened the gates of hell on her side, she ran away from home, started doing drugs, having sex, etc.
Now my husband wants to start a family with me. He says fatherhood was pratically raped from him as a kid, it's been horribly hurtful, but he has a lot of love and wants the chance to choose it with me this time. I don't feel right doing this until something more is done for his poor daughter. I feel she's still young enough to be "saved" from the streets. He won't reach out to her anymore and says she'll see the truth (about her mother and how much he tried to help) when she's older. But I think she might not make it. She's clearly repeating his distructive teenage years.
How do I stop fixating on this? Can I believe my H when he says he's truely over dealing with his daughter and his ex? Doesn't that sound wrong? Should we keep fighting for her? How do I stop resenting all of it so it doesn't harm my potential future children?
I know it's a lot, but thanks for listening to my story and thank for any and all advice...
