I hope I am in the right place I have been in a relationship with a wondrful woman for 3 years. Its had its ups and downs. But I lover her very much.
over the lst 2 months things have gone down hill. until the 18th of this month then hit bottom . I got a reply from an email message I sent her and it said she doesnt want to be with me anymore, Then the next 2 nights I spent at her house and thought we had gotten thing headed back in the right direction. Then Monday of this week I Thought I would surprise her and take her some flowers and a card. Well I showed up at her house and the was her coworker there. I knoced on the door and left the flowers and left befor seeing her. Then I turned around and went back to confront her and him .. she had gotten the flowers but when I returned in 5 min she woulndt answer the door. and they both hid in her bedroom. Well I was devestaed and left without talkig to her. I did call but just got yelled at and hung up on.... Weell I didnt sleep a min Monday night and started putting the pieces together. She had confronted me about 2 months ago and said a coworker that lives in the town I do had told her that they had seen a woman at my house several times ariving at 10 pm and leaving at 3am.. I was shocked I never had even the thaough of being unfathfull snd told her that was a outright lie. She responded what would this person make that up etc.
Well the coworker that was at her house monday night just happens top be the same one that lives in in the same town I do. ( Humm pices just fell into place for me. Well i sentbher an E mail that night and told her I was hurt and etc. aloge with some nasty words and pointing out to her the same that i just did her. That this person lied to her to get into her pants.
Well we talked on the phone yesterday for the first time for a couple hours and I did explaine I loved her and still wanted the relationship to continue. We have been through so much and I really dont want to have wasted 3 years.. She explained she needed time to think and I tried to get some timeline out of her she said just giver her some time. So I told her I am going to see a councler and want her to join me at some point.

Her is my Message I sent her
Hi Kim
I want to thank you for our Chat today I hope You can understand and allow us our Chance or "Charm" .
We have been through allot together. Very Good Times, Heartbreaking as well as everything in between. My Love for you runs very very Deep, as I told you I have never felt this way about anyone or for anyone!!!!!. I know I have made mistakes and for that I am truly sorry I never intended to hurt you. My love and Commitment was always there.
I know I would make you a wonderful husband, partner, soul mate and you would make a wonderful wife also.
I am aware that I can no more force you to stay today, than I could have made you go out on our first date, Sept 14th 1999 or fall in love with me (I remember the Date you came over and we rented 3 movies and talked all the way through them the times were we were up every night talking until 3 or 4 in the morning) I didn’t pressure you then so I won't now. I will let you go .If you never call me again I will accept your decision. This experience has been very painful but I will make it,
I know If we are ment to be together It will happen, A partnership and Marriage takes work, If we both give it a chance I know it can and will work!!!!!. If we Focused on us as a couple and not what others say or what thay think we would have it all. I will say this again we have had some Wonderful times together and can and would have many many more again.
I can say this with an open heart... YOU HAVE BEEN MY FIRST TRUE LOVE!! And That was and is a scary feeling for me. I will never forget the memories that we shared, I will pray for you and trust God will guide you through the years ahead.

Love

Jim

Any advice would be wonderful

Hi Jim,

Well I think you are in the right place...you will get more replys in the Emotional Needs Board though.

There is alot of great info here and you need to start reading it over now. Get the book "His Needs Her Needs" its really good.

Boy, I think you need to get to the bottom of this 10 PM visitor thing...I dont see where you really explain that away in you letter.

I think she believes this guy right now...although I can see thru his ploy...she may not. Your actions before and after this probably tell her alot as well.

Read over the info here on what it takes (work) to build a great affair proof relationship. Get her to join you....

Best of luck to you

Randy

Thanks everyone for your support. I Went to see a counselor and wow did I learn some things about myself and our relationship, We didn’t spend much time talking on or about the relationship at my appointment it was more focused about me. I was asked and recommended to buy a few books and all I can say is Wow. It was an Eye opener for me, I know now what type of mistakes we both made and how we each reacted to them. How we both didn't listen enough to each other express our need and wants. I could go On and on but for now I will keep it short. I am not going to give up but I also am not going to hang on to tight , I am going to give things time and work on myself, and hope we can start again. I do know this woman brought me to a point of love that I didn’t know was possible.
Then some of the things in my past started haunting me and I should have sat her down to talk about them openly and honesty when she brought them up. As well as her sharing the same with me. I think I felt if I was totally honest with somr of the Seemed either I or both were scared of Love and hurt or Judgments. I am sure it was very destructive to the relationship trust and each other. I wish I could turn the clocks back and start anew, but that is not how things work, I know that I can and will learn how to better communicate with honest drop dead truth about feelings issues wants needs history and future.
I do truly know that I love this woman like I never loved anyone. I am going to give her space and time.
I just can only hope and pray that somehow we keep in touch so she notices and maybe wants to try again.