SORRY FOR LACK OF ,'S .'S AND THE SORT AND SORRY FOR IT BEING BUNCHED UP AND SORRY FOR IT STRAYING ALL THE TIME (i'm used to typing 1 sentence per line not having to worry about punctuation thats what all the years of inet do to you on AOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years we started going out a week after we met and have literally been together since, we spent almost everyday with each other and no complaints from her and none from me (i love being with her daily) she gave up her friends to spend everyday with me i didn't ask or force her too,then in March 2002 we got into an argument because she didn't have friends and was blaming it on me and she had become friends with this guy in school (she was still in high school i'm 19 and she's 18 btw) and within a week of the argument she had put us on hold and had slept with him..i knew about it was in the process of happening but there was nothing i could do she would yell at me or make me take her home if i tried to discuss our relationship so i just sat back and let it happen i was not truely upset when she finally told me, she then ceased contact with him (i'll tell you why in a min but he actually ceased it with her) and was ashamed of it, i didn't yell at her or condemn her i just told her that i understood that she didn't want to go into a relationship like ours being a Virgin (she currently wears a pre-engagment engagment ring?) another reason i wasn't truly upset is because during the whole ordeal of stressing over it i started having breathing problems..i couldn't walk 10 feet without collapsing on the floor for air so i went to the doctor and she acompanied me and i was diagnosed with an enlarged heart...(by a doc in the box) so then under direction of the Dr. i went to a specialized doctor and was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy (heart failure) so i cannot let things stress me as much anymore or else i go into the hospital (happend twice so far) and the first doctor told me i was going to die that i needed to not go anywhere (i had rented a cabin in gattlinburg and was taking her there to help fix our relationship from the ?A?) and he told me not to do a lot of things but i dismissed what he said (but i gave up the gattlinburg trip due to some sense in what he said i.e. if i were to have a heart attack i'd be in the middle of nowhere) and we went to another doctor and i was put on medicine which didn't work and was hospitalized then got a new doctor and got the right medicine and i can now do everything i normally would have done (except run,high strenious activity,heavy lifting) but she felt as though it was her fault and no matter how much i told her it wasn't she stayed depressed from that and the ?A? I take her places all the time and support her in all the career changes she makes and make sure she has everything she needs (her dad is extremely mean and has told me that he is glad i'm around so he doesn't have to support her, her mom is good tho her parents are divorcing shortly) her parents can't afford to buy her a car and won't allow her to make payments on one either until she is out of college..so she goes to college about 5 hrs away so I(having failed High school and gotten my GED) talked my way into the college and went to school there so she wouldn't be lonely and stuck in her dorm room and she'd have a way to go places but then i was hospitalized and had to return home to where my primary doctor is. She is currently on XMAS Break and things have been going fine until tonight she said she was going out with her friend Billy and I called her to see if she wanted to go see LOTR: Two Towers and she was (with billy) at her ex-bf's house (when i told her jokingly that i was gonna go out with my ex-gf earlier today she drilled me) I got a little mad and started an argument (yes i know bad bad) and she was like "i was joking earlier" but she waited until after the fact to announce that and after yelling at me..she stayed out with them from 7pm until 3am and i went to meet her near her house to talk and she again blames me for her giving up her friends for me saying it's not fair and i make her miserable and she didn't love me like she did when we first met but we talked after that on the phone for an hour and she decided to give it another chance (i do get a little jealous when she doesn't wanna spend time with me like we had been before and i am going to start seein a shrink for that) but my problem is i'm scared she is going to do what she did in march again and i'm scared..I do love her but i do get mad often but thats just my childhood i guess i should tell you about that too heh..but firstly the reason he ceased talking to her (The ?A?) is because it was one big joke within her school to make her look like a slut, i had met him before and told him that if he hurted her there'd be hell to pay so when we found this out just recently i pulled some strings and had him arrested and convicted of distributing drugs (yes he did sell them i just mearly told some of my friends down at the station all his dealings) anyways ok onto my life...it all started before i was born...inside the womb when my mother tried to have a home-inflicted abortion and when my dad found out he immediatly(sp) hospitalized her until i was born..after i was born (heck even before i was) she had over 20 Affairs while with my dad and did other things to me and my sister i'd rather not mention..he finally divorced her and she never came to visit or anything..he raised us alone (my sister is currently suffering from Bi-polar disorder and depression and suicidal tendancies due to my mother she played mind games with my sister recently and ruined my sisters credit and life) when i was 4 i was hit by a truck and hospitalized in a coma for a week-month don't remember and can't get straight answer..then all through school i was picked on and ridiculed..then when i started dating every girl i dated wound up to be one big joke (they'd date me and make me show care and then dump me in front of the whole school so they could all laugh) that was in 6th-9th grade then i stopped dating and gave up, i am also diagnosed with EC(Emotional Conflict),LD(learning Disorder),ADHD(Attention Deficit Disorder with hyper activity),Insomnia(well you know what this is i sleep maybe 3-4 hours a day not good with heart problems) and had "flings" while i was a drifter i've had one friend my whole life who in the end screwed me over (was friends with him for 3 years and then one night he charged over $2000 to porno calls from my house) and after that i lived in my room on my computer i didn't leave my house for 2-3 years (unless i HAD too never for pleasure) i got every computer skill i could and etc and i free-lance off my dad's company and make $50/hr and set my own hours...but having no friends and no mother and only abandonment and ridicule in my life i have become a very negative person (very cynical and not easily screwed over) i befriend no one and wish to have no friends except my girlfriend mary (i met her through a person it was kinda weird..i met this girl online who lived near me and after a few days of chatting she was like "i'm fixin to leave" and i was like alright well come pick me up.....and she did...was weird but anyways one night she called me and asked me if i wanted to go out with her and 2 of her friends because the 2 friends were annoying to her and such 1 of them happend to be mary and since that night she is the only person i've trusted at all) she says it's not healthy and it's probably not but i choose not to have friends and I do not condemn her if she wants friends but I am a jealous person and i do have emotional problems so it's hard to keep my jealous under lid...well i'll shut up now :>

-Quip

<small>[ December 23, 2002, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: Quip ]</small>

Hi Quip, welcome to the boards. There's a lot of information in your post and to be honest, I'm not really sure what you're asking about - whether or not to pursue a relationship with Mary? How to address the way your past is affecting your current relationships?

I hope I can be of some help. I'll start by saying how sorry I am to hear of your health problems. I'm familiar with cardiomyopathy, and can tell you that some individuals do live long and (medically) uneventful lives with this disease. I'll leave it at that because I'm only a med student and I'm sure your doctor has everything under control as well as possible.

With your EC/LD/ADHD/insomnia, your difficulties with friends and girlfriends and with trusting people, and your love of spending time on the internet, you could be my younger brother, except he just turned 18. It's a lot to deal with at once, especially for you at 19, but it can be done, keep taking things one day at a time and concentrate on making each day another step toward your goals.

Setting some goals would be a good move at this point, I think. What is it you want with Mary? To improve the relationship? To find out where she stands in terms of whether or not there's a future for the two of you? You haven't asked for opinions on the situation between you and her, so I won't offer any unless you ask. Is she still wearing a "pre-engagement engagement" ring? Despite having slept with someone else? Do you still want her to, or do you want it back now? When you gave it to her, did it mean to you that you now were truly engaged, with a different ring to follow later?

Maybe you were posting to just vent a little, that's ok too. I hope you knew before you posted that the boards are read and replied to by ordinary people, Dr. Harley and other psychologists run Marriage Builders but rarely visit the boards - or if they do often, they don't usually post.