In July of this year I found out that my husband of 22 years has been having an affair with a coworker since at least December of last year. All three of us work at the same company. He was meeting her every Saturday night. By the way she's married also. For the first few weeks after he admitted to the affair he stopped going out on Saturday nights. He said he was sorry for what he had done; but he didn't know why he did it. I believed him. After that he started acting funny. He became distant. He looked so unhappy. My daughter suggested we see a therapist. We did. The therapist said he was depressed. We went to two sessions. After the second one we grew farther apart. Before then we still slept together. He seems to be angry and bitter. Why should he be angry? He's the cheater. Now he tells me he loves me but he's not in love with me. He said he cannot get over the feelings he has for the other woman. He says he's confused. After he told me this he still thought I would let him sleep with me. I made him sleep on the couch. He's been sleeping there for two weeks now. I told him I still love him and I want to save our marriage, but if he doesn't he should go ahead and leave. The only way he can stay here is if he stops seeing her. This is the only way I will know he wants to try to make our marriage work. He's still here but I feel like he's still seeing her. How long should I let this go on before kicking him out? I want him to stay but I don't feel like I can take this much longer. I think I've been patient. I've tried to understand his feelings but it kills me to know that he's out with her. Should I try to hang in there a little longer? I really don't want to give up on him too soon. I keep hoping he will realize that he doesn't want to leave either. The other woman left her husband by the way. Do you think I've lost him for good?

Betrayed- I totally relate to your post. I am in a similiar situation. You cannot throw away 22 years of marriage. Are you guys still going to counseling? when my H and I started going (about 6 months ago) our first few sessions were about the same. We would both leave there in a worse state of mind than when we had arrived. We have gone through a rollersoaster of emotions- just when I think things are getting better something else surfaces- My H is angry also- I believe his anger is stemming from his anger at himself. And you know the old saying-" you always hurt the ones you love the most" It is true. I would hang in there. Keep your eyes and ears open if you have doubts that it is over between he and the ow- especially if she has left her H. Although the excitement of it all may be over with her being a free agent. Keep communication open- Try and use the Basic Concepts that Dr. Harley talks about on this web site- If both of you can agree to at least work together on saving your marriage I think there is no doubt that it will work out. I'm here if you want to talk- Take care<BR>Moonbeam<P>------------------<BR>MAY WE ALL FIND PEACE, LOVE AND COMPASSION IN OUR WORLD(:

Moonbeam--I thought I'd let you know that I threw him out this morning about 5 am. He came in about 4am. I'm almost sure he was with her. I couldn't take it anymore. I told him to take everything and leave. He only took a small part of his belongings. He came back today and packed up more of his things but he didn't take them with him. No one was home while he was here. I don't know where he is. I only know that now I don't have to see him when he leaves and I won't worry about where he is and who he's with. On Saturday nights I can sleep better because I won't be listening to see when he comes in. I hope this separation will be an eye-opening experience. Maybe he will miss being at home with me. Maybe he will find out that he really doesn't want to give me up either. Hope to hear from you again.