Ok, I guess I need an opinion on my situation cause we are on the edge. I am 31 and she is 29. We lived together about 10 years ago and we never fought then got along great, and I broke up with her cause she told one of my friends that she could have any man she wanted and he told me, which I feel now wasnt a good reason to break it off. We recently got back together. And were planning to get married cause we both wanted the same things. The first two months were great, in love and very happy, until one night. We just finsished playing a dart tournament. We decided to go eat. When we went to the restaurant and the hostess showed us our seat she went and sat down with two guys who were playing cards and never said anything to me, this made me very angry as I have never have anyone do this to me before. So I left the restaurant. She came after me, we argued some and on the way home she slapped me a couple of times. This increased my anger. So in a stupid attempt to scare her I swerved the truck back and forth on the road, but I guess the alcohol didnt make realize that the fact that it was raining so hard, well I ended up running into a ditch, no one was hurt. We were getting over that, a couple of weeks later we went out again to another tournament. She did something and this guy ended up chasing her around the table, she is a very outgoing person, this angered me again, I showed it, but I did remember how the last timed turned out so I told her I was fine, but she wouldnt let it go that I was mad and she felt she did nothing wrong. She wanted to leave and me give her the keys, but I didnt want to be stranded so I didnt. Well she hit me in the bar a couple of times and she got kicked out. So I went out to go home. We argued all the way home and I was slapped and hit several times on the way home, we were almost home whe she began hitting me again. And I did something stupid again, I head butted her and busted her head open. I have never hurt or hit a person in my life. I feel really bad for what happned and wished it never happened. I have never been hit by a woman before, and didnt know how I would react. We do love each other, but it seems we have a hard time getting over the anger we have over the incidents. Every little thing is causing a fight. The main problem I think is that when we are angry we cant talk to each other, it always leads to something big. Over the week end she had to take her exboyfriends van back, she was going to leave it at her sisters house and when she got back she was going to call him and tell him it was there, this is what we talked about, but when she got back she didnt do that she went ahead and called him and took it back to him. She said she didnt want to call me and tell me cause she wanted to have a good weekend. I felt really betrayed by this action. So that lead to another fight, to the point I was wanting her to leave and told her so, but deep down I dont want her too. I just dont know what to do, and I hoping to get some advice. Right now she is at her mothers and is going to come back to either make or break this relationship. Thanks in advance.

sorry didnt mean to post it twice

My jaw almost hit the keyboard as I read your post. You two are thinking about getting married? You're more likely to kill each other than have a happy marriage. Sounds like you have serious jealousy issues, she likes to push your buttons to get attention, and you both have incredibly serious anger issues. Both of you engage in physical abuse!
Your relationship is far too dangerous to use a web site to try and figure things out. If you have any intentions of staying with this woman, you both need some hard core professional counseling...individual and as a couple.

Whatever you two decide, please don't bring children into this horribly abusive relationship. That would be a crime.

I know I'm being harsh, but I cannot believe that you two are considering getting married. I pity you that you have not experienced a relationship that breeds self-respect and happiness. You are talking about settling for a marital hell. Why would you do that?

My advice? Abandon ship on this relationship before either or both of you end up in jail. Start getting individual counseling to better understand your anger and abuse problems. Work on you. Your self-respect must be near nil to allow another person to physically abuse you and your respect for her must be near nil to commit such acts of abuse. If I've ever read about a doomed relationship on these forums, you've won the prize.

You need PROFESSIONAL help, not advice from strangers, friends, family, etc. You are dealing with a serious problem that could land you and this woman you love in prison, if not your eternal caskets.

SAD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And were planning to get married cause we both wanted the same things.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Btw, I know the clock is ticking an all, but if there is one thing I've learned about marriage here it is that you need A LOT more than to want the same things in life in order to make it work.
Sounds to me like you are getting desperate. That is hardly an excuse to continue an abusive relationship.

SAD

We are in counseling and neither of us drink or go out any more. She has Bipolar and not on meds.

Hi Cummings...
Why do you want to marry this woman? Do you think it will last? Do you think things will change once you are married?

The only reason you've given for wanting to be with her is that you want the same things. After that, everything you've said spells failure (not to mention that wanting the same things is hardly enough glue to hold a marriage together). With all of the relationships that cannot stand the test of time and the unexpected challenges that are expected to arise, what makes you think that you can start with an extremely dysfunctional and abusive relationship and turn it into a successful marriage?

Btw, not many people read this forum. If you'd like more responses, repost in the Emotional Needs forum. You should also read as much as possible of the main concepts of this web site and start exploring the questionnaires and articles. If you're going to marry her despite the problems, you might as well do everything in your power to increase the odds of success.

Good luck,
Smile

As of now the plans to marry are off. We are going to see how couseling goes first.

Hi Cummings...sounds like a good plan. I think that even couples who are experiencing no problems should seek counseling before becoming engaged. Good luck. I hope everything works out for the best.

Smile