Ok, I guess I need an opinion on my situation cause we are on the edge. I am 31 and she is 29. We lived together about 10 years ago and we never fought then got along great, and I broke up with her cause she told one of my friends that she could have any man she wanted and he told me, which I feel now wasnt a good reason to break it off. We recently got back together. And were planning to get married cause we both wanted the same things. The first two months were great, in love and very happy, until one night. We just finsished playing a dart tournament. We decided to go eat. When we went to the restaurant and the hostess showed us our seat she went and sat down with two guys who were playing cards and never said anything to me, this made me very angry as I have never have anyone do this to me before. So I left the restaurant. She came after me, we argued some and on the way home she slapped me a couple of times. This increased my anger. So in a stupid attempt to scare her I swerved the truck back and forth on the road, but I guess the alcohol didnt make realize that the fact that it was raining so hard, well I ended up running into a ditch, no one was hurt. We were getting over that, a couple of weeks later we went out again to another tournament. She did something and this guy ended up chasing her around the table, she is a very outgoing person, this angered me again, I showed it, but I did remember how the last timed turned out so I told her I was fine, but she wouldnt let it go that I was mad and she felt she did nothing wrong. She wanted to leave and me give her the keys, but I didnt want to be stranded so I didnt. Well she hit me in the bar a couple of times and she got kicked out. So I went out to go home. We argued all the way home and I was slapped and hit several times on the way home, we were almost home whe she began hitting me again. And I did something stupid again, I head butted her and busted her head open. I have never hurt or hit a person in my life. I feel really bad for what happned and wished it never happened. I have never been hit by a woman before, and didnt know how I would react. We do love each other, but it seems we have a hard time getting over the anger we have over the incidents. Every little thing is causing a fight. The main problem I think is that when we are angry we cant talk to each other, it always leads to something big. Over the week end she had to take her exboyfriends van back, she was going to leave it at her sisters house and when she got back she was going to call him and tell him it was there, this is what we talked about, but when she got back she didnt do that she went ahead and called him and took it back to him. She said she didnt want to call me and tell me cause she wanted to have a good weekend. I felt really betrayed by this action. So that lead to another fight, to the point I was wanting her to leave and told her so, but deep down I dont want her too. I just dont know what to do, and I hoping to get some advice. Right now she is at her mothers and is going to come back to either make or break this relationship. Thanks in advance.

Hi Cummings,

It sounds to me that getting married to her at this point wouldn't be a good idea. And alcolhol seems to be a big culprit in yourselves and in your relationships. You see the alcolhol
enhances anger more than anything. Cummings, I used to be the same way and when drinking it was worse. Alcohol ruined every relationship I was in, I became very mean when drinking, sometimes waking in the morning somewhere not knowing how the heck I got there. This had to stop, it was also ruining my relationship w/ my children. Been 11yrs since my last drink and drug, best thing that has ever happened to me. God helps those who cannot help themselves.

I suggest you both get an alcohol evaluation. I know that the first thing that you are thinking is "I don't have an alcohol problem!!" Well think back to when most of the fights w/ your girlfriend has happened, and most of your words in your post tell me it was at a bar, or drinking somewhere else. This tells me there is an alcohol problem. You lose all sense of judgement when drunk, and are liable to do anything. The thing that concerns me the most is that you both are getting more violent now, she hitting you, you busting her head open. NOT GOOD!!! I know your thinking "This won't happen again!!" Yes it will, maybe not in the next week, maybe 2 months, 6 months from now, but it will happen again if you don't both get help. If you both don't get help, it will get worse, and could be jail, or really hurting each other worse next time. Just think you could have killed her busting her head open like that. She also could do major damage to you hitting you. DWI also. It's no fun not having a drivers license.
Alcoholism leads to nothing but jails, institutions, and death.
No relationship will work with someone who has a problem with alcohol. That problem needs to be taken care of and stopped before any relationship will work. Keep this in mind, before making any decisions to marry a woman with an alcohol problem. If you do marry her at this point, you will regret it. Just a gentle warning.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

We are not getting married at this point, We have already decided to stop drinking. We are now seperated, we will only see each other on the weekends. She and I both will seek counseling on our own and together on the weekend.

First of all it sounds like maybe the both of you have outgrown each other. Did the both of you have other relationships before you got together? It seems like these days that is what is happening. Also there is no respect in the relationship. There are also other issues since alcohol is coming into play. The fact that your fighting lead to fighting, drinking and then a serious accident. You are very lucky that neither of you were hurt.

The jealousy is an issue that needs to be dealt with also. What exactly is it that makes you feel insecure? How has your relationship been over the past 10 years?

If you want this to work you need to build a new foundation based on love, trust, communication and respect. If you are missing any one of these important elements...it may not work.

Be careful, and don't hit woman. If she hits you walk away and don't come back. No one deserves to be abused like that.