Well,<BR> I did the most stupid thing that a person can do. Yesterday I tried to take my own life by taking to many sleeping pills. I am glad that my wife call 911, but I am sad that I did such a stupid mistake. This has set us back very, very far. I feel that if my marriage does not work out, it will have been all my fault for doing such a stupid thing.<BR> She is still willing to go forward. I thought that yesterday would have been the breaking point for her. But she stayed by my side throughout the hold deal. From going to the hospital to going to the Phsyco ward. I am home now. I am trying to make it thru all of this. I don't know how much longer I can hold on.<BR> Someone told me yesterday to just let go and let God take over. To give up means that I have given in to the evil. The doctor told that to my wife also. We are trying to go forward, but it is so hard.<BR> I told my wife today that I believe that I have discovered the reason that I have been so depressed lately.<BR> I told her that I feel depressed because she said that she does not love me the way she use to and that she is not sure if it will ever come back.<BR> I cryed today, again. I have never cryed so much in all of my life as I have in the past couple of weeks.<BR> I want the pain to just stop and the healing to begin, but I know that that will not happen until I get better.<BR> Do I have any advice from anyone out there? Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me in these trying times?<BR> Please. Anyone. Please write me and tell me where to go from here. Please write me and tell me what I do now.<P>------------------<BR>DP

DP,<P>Sorry for all that you are enduring. Sorry that you have felt that things were so overpowering, that you felt life was no longer worth living.<P>DP, think about this as you progress in your recovery. You have to feel worthy in and of yourself whether or not your marriage goes on. If you can not find love in yourself, how could your W or anyone else find love in you? Likewise, you can not extend love to another if you do not love yourself first.<P>Now, I can tell from your post that you are a sensitive and compassionate person. You have reached out for help and that is good. You have seen the folly of some of your past actions (including yesterday - DON'T do that again! ). <P>Focus first on SELF. When WE believe we are worthy of love, it guides our actions and thoughts differently. You ARE worthy of love. Start with yourself first. Be kind and gentle to DP. Get the professional help that you need to be able to move forward. Your W will respond positively to all efforts on your part to love yourself more.<P>Your marriage situation is as up in the air as the rest of us. But, if you do things to better and bolster yourself, you can only benefit personally, and hopefully this will affect your marriage in a positive way, too.<P>Good Luck...<P>Roll Me Away

D1P,<P>You need to seek the help of a professional counselor - we are all willing to support you and listen when you need an ear, but you need help for your depression. You don't want your wife to stay with you because she feels sorry for you or because she's afraid you will try again to take your own life - you want her to be with you because she is proud of you and loves you.<P>In order for this to be possible, you must learn to love yourself! You must find out who you are - with or without your wife - and learn to love that person. You are depressed - then you need to address and solve that issue FIRST. You know this already - you've said as much in your post. It IS possible - if you take the initiative. Ask your doctor about anti-depressants. They will help - I've been on Zoloft for about 14 months at this point, so I know from whence I speak. They won't make you "happy" and they won't disable your emotions - they will balance your brain chemistry so that you can still feel everything but keep it all in perspective.<P>You are a very fortunate person. Your wife is still with you. She stayed through one of the most foolish acts you will ever commit. She wants to move forward ... WITH YOU! Realize how much you HAVE rather than focusing on the negative things that have happened in your life and your marriage. Many of us would give up limbs to be able to say "my husband is home with me and wants to work on our marriage" but we are holding our heads up, instead, saying, "my husband is temporarily insane - someday, when he comes to his senses, he will come home and work with me on our marriage." You have that opportunity RIGHT NOW. Grab it, hang on and run with it!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

I read your response to unforgiven, which led me to your post... <P>First of all, you are going to have to place the responsibility for your happiness and recovery on (now get ready...) <B>yourself</B>, not outside influences (which includes your wife). I'm sure the doctor's told you that. No person or circumstance can make you happy or sad unless <B>you allow it</B>. <P>You have taken a walk on a very scary path, and nearly took the most precious gift God has given you - your life. You are blessed with a second chance, a wife who is staying by your side, and this place that can give you some hope for the future. You're probably very tired now, and the last thing you want to hear is that you have choices - but you do. Don't make them yet, while you are still vulnerable. Now is the time to <B>REST</B>. Do that for now... rest, and pray, and remember that you have been given a second chance to make things right.<P>I am very, very sorry for your pain. I have been there myself. I had what they think was a nervous breakdown, and could very easily have stepped off the edge of the earth. Instead, I made myself very sick, and am still paying for it with my health. <P>Life is precious... and the world is better for your being in it... hold onto that promise!!<P>Also, having gone back and read terri's response, I have to agree with her to get that very needed counseling right away... terri, you're so smart!! <P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!! <p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited November 21, 1999).]

D1P,<P>{{{{{{{{{{D1P}}}}}}}}}<P>It is hard for you to believe... but I would wager a large sum of money on this...<BR><B>>80%</B> of us have contemplated suicide at least once... and my estimate (from what I've read)... 5%-15% have gotten as far as you have...<P><B>You are not alone... man!</B><P>There are a lot of people here who will help you... <BR>There are a lot where you're at...<BR><B>First</B> and foremost, rely on your W (if she has any humanity she'll get you through some of this time...)<BR><B>Second</B>, rely on family support (if available) <BR><B>Third</B>, I don't know your personal life, but this is a great time to rediscover some faith experiences... if you've had some before... or to discover it for the first time! <P>I'd say your conseling needs to be taken more seiously... maybe a change in counselor if you think he/she didn't quite work!<P>The basic concepts used a marriage builders emphasize... you have to work on <B>you</B> first! This is true regardless of where you are in the spectrum of an affair... whether at the very beginning... or through complete recovery! If you haven't done much at Marriage Builders yet, start off at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>. But again... you've got toget you <B>up</B> and able again first.<P>When you're better... get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. If you're Wife(W) can get it for you... it would show her your intentions to better yourself... and hopefully your marriage.<P>A recommendation I always make to the newer members of his forum...<BR>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Thank you all so very much for the responses. I did not realize that I would get so many.<BR>You all are so right. I need to get better for myself first, but right now that seems almost next to impossible. <BR>I will keep trying. I will keep pressing on. That is all I can do for now. <BR>I am in coulceling already. I am seeing four different doctors. They all help, but I am not even sure what I need right now.<P>------------------<BR>DP

Please. If any one would e-mail W I would greatly appreciate it. Just tell her what we are to expect. What left we have to go thru to get thru this experience. Her e-mail address is Snoekster@aol.com. I would greatly appreciate it.