Hi. I'm a female who is 20 yrs old and engaged. A week ago I found some pornographic pictures on my fiance's computer by accident when I hit the wrong screen to enlarge. I found out that he has had this addiction for many years and that he started to slow down after we started going out. I found out that during the past 22 months that we have been together, he has been looking at porn once-twice a month. He told me at first that this helped him have a release, and helped him to control his passion so that he wouldn't push me into having sex with him. I'm a virgin and he isn't, but he did admit that it was an addiction. I need help. He calls me the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, but I still feel worthless. I haven't talked to anyone about this, because he has asked me not to talk to my mother, and he wants to know who it is I tell beforehand to get his approval. I feel torn and ripped apart. I love him. I told him that we need help, but he doesn't want to talk to our minister. He is out of work at the moment, and we live in Australia. Help us please.

Please give serious consideration to NOT marrying until this issue is addressed and settled. He is not an animal or a sex-crazed man, but he needs to face this issue before becoming your H. Are you getting pre-marital counseling from your minister? I strongly encourage that and this is the time to lay the issue on the table.

Get him the book "Every Man's Battle" and go through it with him. Encourage him and support him in a loving, non-judgemental way. Viewing porn once or twice a month is not an addiction but will not bring anything positive into your relationship. As a healthy young man he does need a sexual release but hang onto your virginity. Does he exercise or have a hobby? Is there a good, supportive men's group in your church? Encourage him to get a male accountability partner to keep him on the straight and narrow. God bless!

In reply to your saying that he wasn't an addict, let me tell you that he told me that he had been looking at this stuff everyday for 4+ years. He says that he has stopped, but I fear a relapse. Sorry I wasn't able to reply beforehand, I was having internet connection problems. I'll be taking you up on your advice and will be getting the book today. Thankyou for your response. No-one else has talked to me. God Bless. Daintree.

I wasn't aware of the extent of the problem - thanks for sharing. The book will do him much good if he will apply the concepts. God bless and have a great weekend.