My husband is having marital issues. We have only been married for a little over a year. We have gone through alot in the first year. My mother died in the RI nightclub fire and a few months before we got married he crushed his foot in a vehicle accident. But since we have been married he has had like 18 suguries on his ankle and was hospitalized for 43 days. A couple of months ago i learned that he was not happy with my body and having bad attraction issues with me. And also questioning our marriage. He thinks he would be having more fun if he was not married. he does not like having to think of me before he does everything now. like he always has to consider the other person and he is not used to it. I have always been thick. I have always had big hips and a big butt. Thats how he married me. I was 140 and 5"3. But he is still not attracted to me, and he will not be until I am smaller. he even admitted that even when he married me he wished I was smaller. He is not abusive at all and he has never insulted me directly, just that he wants me to loose weight which is why I am here, but it should not make him not attracted to me. but there are other issues, like he questions our marriage and its almost like he does not know if he even wants to be married to me, he told me he feels trapped sometimes. i am just so sad, all I can do is cry. I always pretend its all ok, but then somehow it comes back up and hurts all over again, we start marriage counseling on Monday, but sometimes I think we are hopeless, and i cannot see myself without him, I love him so much. What do i do, just call it quits?

Of course you don't call it quits! There is nothing unfixable about this.

We have a support group out here for weight loss, called SpaMB. Post on the Emotional Needs board to a person named ZuzusPetals (ZP for short) on how to join!

Get a copy of the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs Her Needs" and begin working through them with your husband.

10 months into my marriage, my H moved out and we fixed it. You can fix this!

Thanks, we did the emotional needs questionaire last night and our needs are so different. his number one need is physical attractiveness. So I dunno, its so hard to deal with, but we have been okay latley.

Being physically attracted to someone does not equal love, especially when the relationship concerned is a married one. If your husband loved you, he would love you however you looked. Its a fact of life that we all change in appearance over time, and love has to be strong enough to not be bothered when this happens.

In the last 2 years, I have gained and lost 2 stone, and in that time my fiance showed no variation in the way he treated me, and we made love with the same frequency, he loved me just the same.

Please dont lose your self-esteem and self-respect because of this man, who is obviously shallow and self-absorbed. You deserve better, you are beautiful.

Did he like you when you first got married when you weighed 140? Or does he want you to be even smaller than you were way back when? (not clear)

In all honesty---it doesn't sound like he's really
upset about how you look--even if that is what his words say--


--since we have been married he has had like 18 suguries on his ankle and was hospitalized for 43 days.---

But this sounds more like he's depressed--and not wanting to face his own issues--and maybe thinking
How can she love me the way I am now?? Maybe if I say hurtful things to her she will stop loving me-
and then she will leave and I won't have to face myself--

If I blame it on her--then I don't feel so bad about MY situation--

twisted way of thinking yes--but a reality for some people--