I decided to start a new post I really need some advice here is what my last two post said:

posted February 12, 2004 02:11 PM
Things are not good. After a few weeks of reading his emails I couldn't take it anymore and I told him. He wasn't really upset from what I could see but I guess I was wrong. This weekend he had to goto Dallas for work (remember thats where the ex is) and left me home alone with no phone. Some things happened in the family and his ex was the one to inform me. My sister in law was in the hospital. Then his ex said some things that really pissed me off. I confronted her about the emails and what she had said in them. Then she said "Would it make you mad if I went to his hotel and F***ed him?" I got so mad I sent him a message to his phone telling him I would like it if he didn't see her while he was there. Being that most of his contact to her was though emails I checked his email again. He has sent himself a email knowing I would see it this is it.....

i know you are reading this, just as i said you were going too again, so don't try to act like you didn't read this, or that you're not checking, becouse i know you are, i've had it, i want you to go home, and not come back, nothing has changed, and nothing will change, i can't take it anymore, so i want you too start backing, and as i said, i will get you and all of your things back to tucson, undamaged, aslong as you do not damage anything that belongs to me, do you understand? that means if you brake anything of mine, i will brake something of yours, this is the end for this marriage, i have no more respect for it, i will be back when i get there, i do not want anymore messages or phone calls, The End.


I haven't slept or ate in two days. I can't stop crying and Im making myself sick. He has been gone for 6 days and Im here in Texas with no one to go to. Please someone I have read "Fall in love, Stay in love" but Im at a lose now and I don't know what to do. I know better then to think he would do anything with her and I trust him but my insecurities are ruining our marriage. I do love him with all my heart and I don't want to lose him.


posted February 13, 2004 10:10AM

Well he came home last night....we had a really long talk. He is in the mind frame that this is not going to work at all. He thinks that I cannot change. A lot of things came out last night and one took me be total shock. He admitted to "trying to" cheat. The ex that was part of the issue was the girl he tried to cheat on me with. I do believe him when he saids nothing happened. He said that she said she couldn't. She told him he has never cheated before and was not about to let him start. But the fact remains that he was going to and that he wanted to. It hurts really bad that its come to this. He's willing to try and saids he doesn't want it to end but feels that it will. He wants me to go visit my family in Tucson for a month or so. He said that if I really want him to try he needs some time alone. I'm more then willing to take this time apart but at the same time I'm so scared that when I do come back he may decide that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Last night after our talk we went to wal mart. I have been watching Dr. Phil a lot and decided to buy his book "Relationship rescue" on top of that we have decided to get professional help too. I'm so scare of losing him. Thank everyone for all your advise. It has really helped me get though all this with a different outlook on things.


Please if anyone can help me please respond...I don't want to just give up on our marriage but he is making it so hard to keep going.

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: SandmansAngel197924 ]</small>

Im so glad he came back and you talked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
If you both really want to try and work things out there are certain things that need to be done before you can even start.

He needs to have no more contact with this woman. He needs to email her one last time to tell her that he will be having no more contact with her, then cancel his email account so she cannot email back. Then he could set up a new one which you both have access to. This will help you rebuild your trust for him, there should be no secrets in marriage.

Be completely honest with each other about everything. Read lots of info on the MB website. You are completely entitled to feel hurt by his 'attempted' cheating, but bear in mind that he may be lying about this.

Good luck

I have tried to talk to him about not talking to her. He tells me that weather I stay or go his friends are always going to be there. He refuses to drop all contact with her.

About the email thing he believes he should be able to have privacy. He doesn't want me to be able to look at his email. He has changed all his passwords and will not tell me them.

On that note I don't know weather of not to trust him. I feel because he doesn't want me to see his email that he has something to hide. Before he tried to cheat I was ok with that but now I just don't know. I just don't know what to do..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

If he wont cooperate, there is little hope for your marriage. You cannot trust him if he refuses to prove you can trust him. He would not hide anything if he had nothing to hide.

As for her, she is obviously more than a friend which means it is inappropriate for him, as a married man, to share regular private contact with her. If she is an ally of yours, could you talk to her and make her see how their friendship is affecting your marriage?

good luck

<small>[ February 19, 2004, 06:31 AM: Message edited by: ks2001 ]</small>

read about the policy of radical honesty and the policy of joint agreement. x

<small>[ February 19, 2004, 06:30 AM: Message edited by: ks2001 ]</small>

Heres an update.....things seem to be getting better. We went to our first counsiling appt. ( Theophostic Ministry ) and I realized there were a lot of issues from me past that I thought were taken care of that weren't. My H said he liked it and wanted to continue with it, so thats good.

We haven't had any really big fights in the past few weeks. Just little aguements over little things (nothing from before). I'll continue to keep you all updated but please if you have any advice let me know.

Thank you,
Sandy

Boy I was wrong.....we are separated. I am now in Arizona and I have no idea were my life is headed. Im so confused and I have no idea what he is going to do. With him in Texas and me here how can I save this marriage? I have no money, no car, Im staying with my parents and he has no itention of helping from what I have gathered. I don't know what to do....any advice?

Angel - after my W abandoned me I heard nothing for 5 months. Please be encouraged to hang in there, stay strong, and PRAY. Surround yourself with a positive-thinking support group. Find a good church and get involved. Do you have children? Focus on them if you do. Stay active, exercise, eat good, and be aware that time does heal. Don't do anything rash. Give him time to examine the course his life is taking. Perhaps he will come to his senses and return, he may file for D, or he may do nothing until you eventually take action. I am praying for you. I understand what you are going through. God bless!

John 16:33

Hi SandmansAngel,
You are on quite the roller coaster, aren't you?
Please post in a more active forum. You will get more responses from the Emotional Needs forum; however, all of the forums are slower on the weekend.
Take care of yourself. Get sleep and eat well. Continue counseling individually. You need to take care of YOU.

Be strong,
Smile

SandmansAngel

Wow, I'm sorry to here where things have led you. and I know how you feel. I does get easier. I've been seperated for over 6 months now. It is always hard, but the begining is the hardest.

Listen to Hurting Promise Keeper and Take care of yourself emotionaly.

Also Smileaday is right. This isn't a very busy forum. the EN forum is very busy and the D&D forum is also very good. Not quite as busy as EN but there are probably more people there that can relate to your situation.