this is a summary and an update on my previous post "we started as a lie and i just found out" please help if you can, i need some unbiased insight!
four days before valentine's day, i found some e-mails that my husband had written to an ex-girlfriend who he was with only 10 days and considers his first love. the letters were written at the time we first met and throughout our 5 month dating period before we got married. he was living with me and he wrote to her "i will always love you...everything i do i do for you, to speed up the time until i can see you again. i wish it was YOU here by my side" well, the girl lives in slovakia and it is doubtful she will come to the states. also, after he married me, the letters became more friendly than anything...but reading them broke my heart! i thought our past was perfect and he was so loving, and now, i have no trust for him! i feel he's a liar!! so, we went to a marriage counselor twice and just talked. i also brought up another breach of trust- we agreed together to not get health insurance for one year because it's $130 a week and we need to pay off debts...the next day, he signed up for the insurance! he said he was talked into it!! after all this, i wanted to learn to love him again like i used to. i resumed cooking for him, sleeping with him...we sat down together and made a contract that would be a tool to help me regain my trust in him. we agreed he would be 100%honest with me, and i would not punish him for doing so. one of his ideas was that he would always take me with him when he went out, so i would always know wht he was doing..He agreed to it and he signed it...well, last night, he came to my job and after 2 beers, he said "i;m going to the russian's house" (a house that 10 of his friends live in , they are always drinking vodka, there are girls there...) i said "that would be breaking our contract" and he said "oh, okay. i am going home to watch tv" but, when i called, he wasn't there. he admitted to going over there anyways. he lied AGAIN. probably because he thought i would give him a hard time...why couldn't he be open and tell me that the contract needed an ammendment if he thought it was unfair? why did he have to lie to me again when he was supposed to be doing anything to regain my trust???we've been married almost 6 months now. he lied to me about the insurance 2 months ago, i found those letters 2 weeks ago, and then last night he lied again. is it time to leave? i don't think i'll ever trust him again.

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

Perhaps he just got caught up in this fantasy about that girl, but I"m so sorry that you had to read it. How did you get into his email by the way?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> is it time to leave? i don't think i'll ever trust him again.
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</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SLOW DOWN

hurtnconfused,
I understand that you are hurt and confused. Most of us here are.

You need to consider a few things.

The emotional e-mails he was writing were while you were dating.

He was still in a period of building his love for you and you eventually became a more powerfull love to him than she ever was. This is probably why the letters dwindled to friendly.

Having a "contract" with him is showing that you don't trust him.

I don't feel that he should need to regain your trust in such a way. Has he ever done anything to loose your trust other than these letters from before he chose you over his lost love?

Think about it? Take a step back and think about what he is going through to prove himself to you.

My STBXW had a problem for years of thinking that I did something wrong in a short time we were away from eachother before our wedding.

It was hell for me to always have to try to find a way to reassure her.

I still feel to this day, that if she was able to let go of the mistrust, she could have developed more intimate , trusting feelings for me based on who I was and not based on my reasurance of my faithfullness.