(also posted under Emotional Needs)

I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman. She is exceedingly nice, easygoing, and sweet, and most important, she loves me. We share the same friends, we love to do the same things together, we have similar ideas about relationships and family, and we have a lot of passion. We respect each other a lot, and can almost always work out a problem when we have one. We are compatible in so many ways that I can't imagine being this way with anyone else.

Here's the rub: She is 40. I am 25. We've been together for 20 months enjoying each other and thinking that we could make it work. Now she's asking me for a final decision. I love her, I am drawn very strongly to her but I also have strong reservations which I think are legitimate, so I don't know what to say.

There are warning signs. One is that I enjoy talking to women my own age, and though my GF isn't unattractive (in fact she looks a lot younger than she is), they seem so much prettier... I wouldn't be tempted to cheat because of them, but I end up feeling like I'm missing something because I don't get the same kind of warm feeling when I look at my GF. Another sign is that she seems more "in love" with me than I am with her. I just have to touch her or look her way to cheer her up, and I don't get the same feelings from her. It is also difficult to talk about the future with her because whenever we do, she starts to think about how I might leave her, and she gets very upset.

Overall, this is a wonderful relationship. The only thing is, staying with her will involve marriage and kids very soon, and that will likely change our relationship in ways we can't imagine. I love the relationship now and couldn't bear to leave her, but if I stay with her through marriage and early kids I might wish I had given myself more time to be young or to find someone who feels more "right". OTOH, I do want kids eventually, and maybe I'd have these concerns even if I were dating someone my own age.

What I'm looking for is advice on how to talk to her about this, in addition to general pointers on how I can think more clearly about it. Questions I can ask her, ideas to help me find out how I really feel. We have done everything together for almost 2 years, and I can't break that trust no matter what my decision turns out to be. Just to show you, sometimes guys do care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


-- only25

Only25


I'd like you to just read something that someone posted here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman. She is exceedingly nice, easygoing, and sweet, and most important, she loves me. We share the same friends, we love to do the same things together, we have similar ideas about relationships and family, and we have a lot of passion. We respect each other a lot, and can almost always work out a problem when we have one. We are compatible in so many ways that I can't imagine being this way with anyone else.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sound familiar.

What more are you looking for in a relationship. If it's just the warm fuzzy feeling, you can build that with her.

I think the best thing for you to do is be honest. You sound like you are capable of letting her know your feelings without hurting hers.

Also the 2 of you should be working together to meet eachothers EN's. It sound like you must be doing a pretty good job at meeting hers, but maybe she is not meeting yours quite enough to give you all those warm fuzzy feelings that you're missing.

You have found this web site and must have developed interest in it. Get her involved also. Get the book HNHN and read it together. Fill out the EN questionair together. Work on your relationship together and it could be better than you could imagine.

you probably read my thread that is the same title as yours. We are both dating some about 15 years older then us. My finace' has the same concerns about me that your GF has. He thinks that it would be easy for someone to come and sweep me off my feet simply because he is younger and has less of a "past". But from my eyes that could never happen because of what him and I share that is beyond competition.

My Aunt is 37 and her BF is 22. They have been together now for 2 years and we (the family) hardly even notice the age difference any more. But, she is ready to have kids NOW and he has tons of time ahead of him to do so, so he is not in a rush. Same thing with me and my relationship, I am 23 a few years back I told him I wanted to have a baby by 25, but now that I am close to that I have pushed it back to 30. He gasped at being a 44 year old new dad. Those are issues that are involved with dating and older person I suppose. But from my perspective you choose your battles. Every relationship will have its issues to work out and obsticles to overcome so its all relative, IMO. Good luck.