Hi I am new here. I hope you all can help.
It started back in October. His mom needed help and he was very stressed. He was going to her house quite a bit and then he would go out after. She lives an hour away and in his old neighborhood. Things started not meshing then. He would say he was at his mom's and then it would be 11pm and he would call and say he was staying the night because she needed him. (he has a brother who lives close to her).
I found out I was pregnant in late November. Things changed then. He seemed very nervous about it even though we were trying to get pregnant. We had discussed him selling his truck in the past if I got pregnant and then when it came to it he said "I'm not selling my truck" like I was out of my mind for asking. So just a hint to me he was not prepared for this life change.
Things got worse. He would be supposed to get off work at 2 and wouldn't end up home until 10 or 11 at night. He would say he was at his moms.
I caught him in a few lies at that point around Christmas. He said he went to a home improvement store and then I saw pictures of him at a friends house on our digital camera. I asked did you go to the store yesterday and he said no. I said I thought you said yesterday you did. So this proves he is not a good liar.
Anyway I found him in several lies like that and one day I was in a bad accident and couldn't get a hold of him as usual because "(his) phone was in the car"
He said he was at his mom's .So I called her and she hadn't heard from him in days!!!!
We had a blow out fight and things got better for a while. He isn't gone all the time now but he lies about bank deposits and I find other wierd things like a stack of clean t-shirts in the car (they are just shirts he wears to work nothing fancy).
So my question is do you think he is cheating. We have opposite schedules and I work on Saturdays so he has a lot of freedom. I have a gut feeling but I wonder if it's pregnant paranoia.

janeS,

There are signs that he may be cheating but that doesn't mean he is. Don't completely rule it out though.

Where is he going and what is he doing that he has to lie about it.

Is there anything about him being with his friends that you don't like? Would he have a reason to not want you to know that he is with them.

Maybe he just misses the things he used to do when he lived in that area.

For a long time my W hated when I went to friends because we were all drinking buddies. I didn't lie about it but I did avoid telling her if I was with them.

I think you need to talk to him about it but first make sure that you understand Love Busters.

No Disrespectfull Judgements, No Angry Out bursts.

Calmly and understandingly, ask him what he does when he is there.

WIWH

I know he lies about it because he is drinking and of coarse I can't be his drinking buddy anymore. The thing is on Christmas Eve is when the home store incident was and I asked the night before if he was going out and he said yes. I encouraged it and then he turned around and lied about it. I know he had gone shopping for things for me but that was earlier in the day so I don't think he was only trying to cover that up.
Now with the money it is really freiking me out because we are trying to save for the baby.
The other thing is I have always been cool with him hanging out with his friends and having a good time. I encourage it now especially because he will not be able to once the baby comes. At least not as care-free. So there is no reason to lie about going out unless he is going somewhere he shouldn't or with people he shouldn't be with.
The night we had the big blow out I confronted him and asked specifically if he was cheating on me as he was getting into the shower. (this way he naked and had no defense) He put on deoderant as he said "no, I didn't go to the bar" and then I asked "Are you cheating on me" and he stopped and starred me in the eye and said "No".
Obviously he was extremely nervous and it seems when he looked at me it was his intent to make sure I believed him. I said "then why are you putting deoderant on to get in the shower?"

Jane,

I have never bben in a situation involving an A, but I have read enough on this site to know that there are lots of red flags going up in what you are saying.

The best advice I can give you is to post your story on the General Questions or Just found out board.

There will be more people there that will be able to give you advice on how to deal with this and the best way you can approach the issue to determine what is really going on.

Some will probably tell you to hire a PI. This can be risky if nothing is going on.

Are there any other bad habits that he would hide from you?

I posted in both those areas. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
See that's just it . Maybe there is something else. I know he used to smoke a lot of pot but since I don't he quit because what fun is being stoned by yourself? But I know he does sometimes which doesn't bother me. I have found papers in his car. I don't really care about that though so I don't think that would be the only thing.
I think I mentioned about the T-shirts, well today one of the T-shirts was gone. Now this is really strange to me, this whole T-shirt thing. Why would you put T-shirts in the car in the garage?
I think I will ask tonight and see what kind of reaction I get. If he is fidgety or shifty at all I will know something is up.
It's like there is no real proof that he is cheating on me so it really makes it hard to understand all these things he hides. His porn sites and other porn I can understand. I don't go around telling my fantasies because that is private.
Just all the other weird things. The thing is too I fear that if he knows I snoop he will hide things even better. Like he knows I look at his cell phone history on his phone so I think he has deleted calls so I won't wonder what the numbers are. Now I have to get a print out from the phone company.

Before you go too far, make sure you understand the MB Basic concepts. Especialy meeting EN's and Avoiding LB's

Inocent accusations can also qualify as disrespectful judgements.

If he feels that you are accusing him of anything he will get defensive wether he has anything to hide or not.

Can you just take more of an interest in what he does and ask to join him(Recreational Companionship)

<small>[ March 17, 2004, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

I can't join in his bar time as I am 6months pregnant. He really only does that. When he goes to his mom's it is usually when I am at work. See I work nght and mornings and Saturdays. He works from 3 to 11 weekends off. This allows a lot of freedom. We do not go out anymore unless it is to dinner because we are broke trying to save for the baby coming. We had a long talk about his lying last night but I can't explain it right now. I am going to post it in another area.