Just to give a little background, I am 27 years old. I am engaged to a man that I have been dating for over 8 years. We have been through a lot in those 8 years especially do to the fact that we are an interracial couple. My family gave us trouble for about 5-6 years at the beginning of our relationship do to racial issues. For the past couple of years my family has turned completely around. They have welcomed him and his family with open arms. He has even come to understand their reasons for not accepting our relationship for all those years. My parents are also paying for our entire 300+ guest wedding. This is amazing since only 2 years ago they were threatening not to attend our wedding if we got married.

We are now 6 months away from our wedding date, and he is starting to avoid family get togethers and even outings with my friends. The biggest blow up was yesterday when I reminded him about my grandmothers 80th surprise birthday party. He told me that he was planning to go visit his family and he did not want to go with me. I asked him if we could compromise and spend one day with my family for this event and the next day with his family. He expressed to me that he did not want to go to the party, and I should get use to him not doing things that he does not want to do...even if it is something important to me. I am very upset about this because I am thinking he will never want to come around my family or friends. I feel like this is part of being in a relationship/marriage and he disagrees. I am noticing how self-centered he is and I am feeling like he does not care for my feelings.

Does anyone have any advice?

angpil5,

Welcome to MB, sorry you need to be here.

There isn't too much advice I can offer but you need to be completely open with him about your feelings. Calmly let him know your feelings and concerns.

Do you think it is possible that he is still under pressure from his family about your Marriage?

WIWH

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He expressed to me that he did not want to go to the party, and I should get use to him not doing things that he does not want to do...even if it is something important to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a HUGE red flag. If he is behaving selfishly now, when both your "lovebanks" should be full, just imagine a few years down the road. Or when you have kids and differ on priorities then.

I do have to give him credit though for being honest about this now, instead of waiting till after you've married.

Any chance he would read thru some of the MB stuff with you? Maybe even do the exercises?

Here would be a great place to start: Basic Concepts .

My best advice is to postpone the wedding until you guys work thru this and you can feel assured that your marriage will include TWO people willing to be giving and involved.

Kathi

It may be that he is feeling the pressure of the upcoming wedding and the fact that the family now have expectations of him. When they didnt accept you as a couple, he could not disappoint anyone.

On talking to him, you may find that he was just having a bad day and feeling a little restricted.

This is just a setback, one of those minor blips that occur to us all when we have a lot to deal with.