Hi all
I am brand new here , I am Christian and recently married and tried my best to find the right room to talk about this issue .

We both waited til marriage and it's been about 4 weeks since we got married. I have 2 main questions which I am totally embarrised about but writing and not talking to someone seems to be a lot easier

Please if this is wrong to post then please just delete it but I mean no offense towards anyone

Does a woman have a orgasm from intercourse ? It seems that til this day I don't think I have had a orgasm yet and it's causing anxiety .

Do woman masturbate even if there now married ?
I read that a woman should masturbate to teach herself first how to have a orgasm and then show their partner what works . I have tried to masturbate once when I was younger . I now can not see myself masturbating if I have a partner . I just feel weird and can't find myself to go into the bedroom and start masturbating . Do woman set romantic scenes for themselves to help get in the mood

I am extremely lost but looking for help

Laura

Laura -

Your situation is very normal for a woman that is not sexually experienced. It takes some patience and time.

Have you told your husband about this? You need to do that so that you can figure it out together.

Two things that will help are exercising your PC muscles (the ones that shut off your urine). You should contract them and hold about 10 times, several times a day.

The other thing that helps is manual stimulation by your husband.

You might want to post this on emotional needs forum. All the experts are there. But do not be embarrassed. It is completely normal to have a hard time at first, but it will get better.

Believer,
I did not have sex until I was 17 years old, a virgin on my first marriage. I had no experience at all. I will tell you over the years (I am now way over 40 years)that I really enjoy sex relations in the right atmosphere. I did not have an orgasm until I was about 21 years old. My first husband and I were experimenting witt fellatio and breast nuzzling. It was FANTASTIC!! I beleive you need to start slow with your mate. Sexy nightie, then flirt wiht him, then get gentle kisses on your neck, breast touching and nuzzling, and finally after enought foreplay(this is very important for a women!) finally entry. If you need use KY jelly it losens things up a bit. He should be gentle and follow your instructions. But at the same time you need to follow his instructions on what he likes. What can be great about love making is evently you willboth reach orgasm same time. That is a wonderful memory for me. Currently I don't get sex anymore-I am being punished by my spouse. That is another phase in marriage I hope you never go thru. Enough on me. Masturbation does work to helpyou learn your body sexual points, but get a dildo it is easier than you trying to touch yourself. I would not tell your H about(dildo) that till you get more experince with makig love with him. It does get easier too and more exciting. Making love on a feather boa or satin sheets is very nice, or camp site sleeping bag in your tent, or the van but the best is a golf course during a warm summer nite!!
Hope these tips help you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Masturbation does work to helpyou learn your body sexual points, but get a dildo it is easier than you trying to touch yourself. I would not tell your H about(dildo) that till you get more experince with makig love with him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I completely disagree with this advice.
1) you do not need a dildo to masturbate. You will understand your body better using your fingers. There's nothing wrong with dildos, I just don't like the way you made it sound like there is something wrong with just touching yourself.

2) I think it is terrible advice to tell someone to get a dildo, but not tell their husband. You should not knowingly be hiding anything from your husband. You should discuss these things openly and honestly with him and if he is uncomfortable with you getting a dildo, either help him be more comfortable with it or don't get one. But, hiding things (whether they are dildos or your fears/concerns/embarrassments/etc) is unhealthy for your marriage.

Smile

The farther along I got in marriage the better the sex got. It wasn't immediate, and we had to talk quite a bit about what was working and what wasn't. I tended to be shy and not know how to say things, but I found that talking about sex is sexy and he was amenable to working things out.
Orgasm is so subjective. I have them sometimes and sometimes I don't after five years. It doesn't bother me, I don't dwell on it. However I know my body better and know all the right things that excite me to that point. Oral sex is great for that, it also is very gentle, and slow and you can find all those spots easier.

I lost my virginity, let's say, very early, the beginning of high school. It felt good, but I didn't have an orgasm during sex until I was about 18, but I had orgasms before from manual stimulation, none during oral sex, I was to nervous about it to get into it.
My key was knowing myself, I did and still do masterbate and my husband knows I do. Now oral sex is the best way, but I can still have one when we have intercourse, but when I don't it's not a problem.
He's very considerate though, he tries to give me orgasms before we have sex, just to make sure I get one and if I get one during intercourse, it's just a bonus.
I agree on not keeping these things from your hubby, no good can come of it.
Maybe you can try being on top, this never worked for me orgasm-wise, but I've been told my many other women that it is easier to manuever yourself and hit the right spots.
Good Luck
Hanni

First off, all women are different. It takes different things to help a woman reach orgasm. If you feel uncomfortable with masturbating after being married, then I suggest that you get a hand mirror and study your genitals. Sometimes, and this may not be the case with you, women feel like they are doing something "dirty" by masturbating. Visually studying that part of your body may make you more comfortable with yourself and then you may start to experiment with touching it. You don't necessarily have to bring yourself to orgasm. I have always felt it is unfair that a woman's gynecologist and her sex partner are the most likely people to actually see her vagina and clitoris when it is exposed. It is your body, get to know it, appreciate it because this is what God made. Talk with your husband about foreplay. It can last as long as you want it to, especially if you are experimenting. Be creative! Just remember that it does take time, so be patient. I hope this helps you.

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