My wife and I have been married for almost three years (October 13th is anniversary). Last Sunday, after confronting her about her genral bad attitude towards me, she tells me her "feelings" for me have changed. She said that she's been trying to get them back for about the past year, but is so far unsuccessful and now loves me more like a brother than her husband. We have agreed to go to counseling and she's already been to one solo session and is scheduled to go again this Wednesday. We decided this past Thursday that we should separated for the time being. I wasn't real enthused about the idea but she said that she feels terribly awkward trying to sort out her thoughts while still living together. So, now she's staying with a couple that we're close friends with (the wife is her best friend from H.S.). The pain I'm going through is just terrible right now. Since the counseling has just started, is being separated really a good idea right now? I just want to know why her feelings changed. I'm so sad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

My husband and I are going through the same thing. A little over a year ago my husband showed me that his friends were more important than his wife and family. We are seperated and it's so he can have a reality check! He never helped me with the boys, house cleaning, laundry or bills. It really bothered me that he didn't feel the need to be involved but he wanted money to play city league softball and golf. It's ok to be seperated. But YOU need to be the one that takes up her spare time. If you leave that window open someone will step in and make "love deposits" in her "love bank!" You need to date and renew that love that was there.

If you follow the concepts in marriagebuilders.com, you will find that being separated at this stage is a bad plan. You will have a much smaller chance of repairing the love in your marriage and staying married.

Please read about Plan A and Plan B. Your wife is in withdrawl and you should be starting a solid Plan A with her. Read all about the love bank, emotional needs, and lovebusters. It is nearly impossible to improve the relationship at this stage if you are separated. You should be together working to rebuild your marriage, not apart waiting for someone else to fulfill your emotional needs.

Best of luck,
Smile

Thanks for the advice folks. My wife is going for her second "solo" appointment w/ the marriage counselor tomorrow night (not my turn to talk yet). She went for her first time last week, which I think was more of a "laying the groundwork" type meeting. It's someone that her mother recommended highly to her and I hope that he will be able to help us through this. I went and looked at the Plan A/Plan B article along with the four rules section. I plan to present my wife with these articles if she contemplates continuing the separation. Not in a combative way, but as a negotiation with my best friend. We'll be discussing the session on Thursday when she gets back. I'll let you know how it goes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi badgerfan. I hope you're feeling okay.
Be careful how you approach your wife with MB materials. You don't want to come across as educating her as that is often interpreted as a disrespectful judgement. You want her to be open to utlizing these tools, so it's the approach is very important. Some people suggest just leaving the materials around at home with the hopes that she'll see them and take the initiative to read them. Maybe say, "I found some information online that I think will really help me be a better spouse. It's right here if you'd like to take a look." And then leave it at that.

I'd recommend starting a thread on the Emotional Needs forum asking for help in how to approach your wife with the MB materials so as to avoid further problems.

Best of luck,
Smile

Well, my wife and I are getting divorced. I found out that she had a one-night fling this past Friday with a guy she went to HS with (she was drunk and out with her best friend, like she did last weekend too). This started a whole conversation about figuring out what she wanted. If she really wanted to work at this or not. She said that she's not in love with me anymore and doesn't think that she can get it back. So, we're going to start this whole process tomorrow and we both want it to be amicable. Never thought that this would happen to me. I can't get all these images out of my head (i.e. her having sex with someone else) and it sucks! My whole world has been turned upside down and I feel so rejected, mad, sad and hurt. This has been the worst month of my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Badgerfan, I'm so sorry.
Sorry it took so long to reply...I don't visit MB much these days.
You are not alone. Please visit the Just Found Out forum. You will find a good support group including people who have come back from this same spot to save their marriages.
I wish you all the best.
Take care of yourself,
Smile