Sometimes I wish that my father had not been as warm and nurturing as he was - maybe then I would find it easier to convince myself that a good father is not so essential to a child's development. I can not even imagine having grown up without both my parents - for all their faults, I never doubted that they both loved me. I wonder if my H does not realize how important his presence is because his father was distant from him. <P>Maybe it is possible for children to grow up emotionally healthy when one parent has deserted them, but I certainly don't know anyone personally who has. I have a number of relatives who raised their kids as single parents, and virtually all of the children have had difficulty with relationships as adults. I do not personally know any single parents other than some relatives; I have met a few but did not know them well. Until they went to college, only one of my kids has ever had a friend whose parents were not married - and in the case of one of the two friends she had whose parents were divorced, the child's sibling committed suicide at the age of 14. <P>I can believe that children will grow up ok with only one parent if the other has died, because they would presumably believe that the late parent loved them, and would remember them fondly and probably even larger-than-life. I do not believe that children can grow up ok when they have been abandoned by a parent - at best they will grow up functional but with major difficulties in forming and maintaining bonds.

I'd have to agree with you on this Nellie,<BR>but it's true that if the mom is gone... it is equally detrimetal to the children. My W was the one who left abou 3 months ago.<P>I've seen many papers on what happens to boys when they lose their dads, and on girls when they lose their moms... But, I am a firm believer that both boys and girls are best off if both mom & dad <B>are together</B>! No one can convince me (other than in abuse cases) otherwise.<P>This was God's design... man and woman together for the purpose of continuing creation... in love! <P>I grew up with a complete set of parents... so did my W... (although her dad passed away 20 months ago... I believe this hadsome impact on her affair.) It helped me understand trust and fidelity... that's what makes this whole thing so difficult for me.<P>Prayers for family health...<P>Jim

Nellie1,<BR>I can relate to what you are saying. My father had a positive effect on me though he did and still does things that I don't agree with (one being that he still is unfaithful to my mother at least according to my mother: he exhibits some of the tell tale signs.) They are still together though. They will celebrate 38 years on 22 June 2000.<P>My W is the product of a single parent household. She has major problems with her mother. Her mother took out her anger towards her father on her. She has cheated on me 8 times by my count over the past 6 years. She was exposed to a lnog relationship; her grandparents but it is quite apparent that her single parent mother had a more lasting effect on her than what she saw in her grandparents.<P>She went and saw the OM today. I know because she took our boys. I had asked them what they did today. They told me. I asked her the same question that I aked them. She conveniently left out the part about going to see him rightin front of our oldest son. It hurt so very bad to be disrespected like that. I am donig the Plan A thing which is much like the tough love by Dr. James Dobson.<P>Sad tonight. Want her to leave me and the boys so that we can go on. However, the look on our oldest's face says he wants us to get alng and stay together. So do I. I have begun to feel the loneliness that she has told me that she has felt.<P>Sorry for rambling.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

I am from a split family My dad is very good to me and my brother and even my mom. My mom was a drug addict, and is now in recovery. The seperated when I was five. 21yrs ago<P>we practcally raised our selves except every other weekend.<P>I think it had an impact on me. I never got to see what it was like with 2 parents. In return I did not know how to be happy in a relationship, IE.. how to love, communicate, have dinners at the table,allthe things a family does. It was never taught to me.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>