I have a question. I am in post divorce Plan A. Am just sitting here waiting on OM to screw up. Just sitting around contemplating going to his work and beating the crap out of him. In my mind he won't be having it so nicely as he has been for the past 2 years if I do that. My opinon he needs to suffer. But on the other hand I want my wife back. Any one here had any success with this?

I have no advice, but your post made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that!<BR>

Welcome to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum... I see you're rather new here...<P><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principals and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>Being still rather new to the ideas being presented here at MB, start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>You're aware of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A>, obviously... but to fully apprecate the amount of work both take, read an investigate.<P>Yes... it is a huge <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> to <B>"beat the crap out of OM".</B> Don't even consider it... Please!<P>You've got to find out for yourself... do you have the fortitude to last a long time in either Plan A or B. The book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley suggests (very roughly) about six months for Plan A... and about 18 months of Plan B... <P>This time frame is a nightmare to anyone just starting off... (but again these are norms... not minimums nor maximums).<P>Here, you'll find find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B>, and many ears willing to listen.<P>Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<P>Remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 22, 1999).]

Take it from it experience- dont do it or even confront him. We all know the anger, all that stuff- beleive me I still get pissed about it.<BR>find a healthy way to unleash the rage- and post and more post!!!!<BR>

Now this is an outstanding question! <P>I sit on the fence as far as reality goes. As far as spiritually goes it's wrong. But I bet it sure would have lifted my spirits if I had of done it when this started! Probably still would. But it would be fleeting, I would feel better momentarily only, unless I beat the crap out of him regularly, and that would be too much trouble. So I guess you shouldn't, could get arrested, sued, etc. Then again that's part of the problem with today's society. Oh well, different story.<P>Don't beat him up. Sorry.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Forget it.<BR>You already spent a ton of money on your x for the divorce. Are you now willing to to go to jail for her or pay a hefty fine?<P>That won't accomplish anything and definetely would be a big love buster.<P>I too considered it and finally thought better of it. I later found out he is a gun nut! I could have bitten off more than I could handle there! <P>

Agree with RWD, don't land yourself in jail, satisfying as it might be to really nail that sucker. (When it comes to revenge fantasies on the OM, I've got more than my share - Don't know but what I might actually put some into action when I find out for sure who he is.) Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

I wouldn't advise doing anything that would get you arrested, but I for one am sorely regreting ever having gone into Plan A. The nicer I was to my H, the crueler he was back. If I had to do it over again, I would have done anything I could think of, within legal limits, to get back at the OW. She has no right to be sitting around getting everything she wants with absolutely no repercussions. My H hates me now; I couldn't possibly make it any worse, and at least I would get some satisfaction if she were 1/1000 as miserable as I.

Beating the poop out of the OM does sound like fun, but it wouldn't accomplish anything in regards to rebuilding your marriage...then again...nah...it wouldn't work.<P>Keep in mind, that the OM wasn't the only one involved in an affair. Your wife made that decision too. So, enjoy the fantasy but don't live it out.<P>SHA

DFloyd01,<P>Well, your question made me laugh too. Yes, it is a love buster to beat up the OM. I found the OM in my bed, and had to REALLY restrain myself. <P>Think of it these ways: The Lord would not want you to. You are only human, but you also have choice and free will. It may bring your W closer to him, in the form of sympathy, etc. Though most law enforcement officers MIGHT be understanding, they would still arrest and incarcerate you. You might hurt your knuckles. You may get blood on your favorite shirt. (Gosh darn it, quit bleeding on me! That's my favorite shirt!) Your joy would be momentary, as Paul said.<P>My wife recently came home (I will be posting about this shortly) and we are working on our marriage. She told me that she was impressed that I did not beat up the OM. Especially since I outweighed him by about 60 lbs, and I weigh 185. And I am in decent shape. Not as good as when I started college, but I'm getting there. Sounds like you could probably kill the guy. <P>Someday, he'll get his. The Lord will take care of that. That, and what goes around, comes around. For the OM in my situation, it's come around.<BR>

DFloyd01,<P>Well, your question made me laugh too. Yes, it is a love buster to beat up the OM. I found the OM in my bed, and had to REALLY restrain myself. <P>Think of it these ways: The Lord would not want you to. You are only human, but you also have choice and free will. It may bring your W closer to him, in the form of sympathy, etc. Though most law enforcement officers MIGHT be understanding, they would still arrest and incarcerate you. You might hurt your knuckles. You may get blood on your favorite shirt. (Gosh darn it, quit bleeding on me! That's my favorite shirt!) Your joy would be momentary, as Paul said.<P>My wife recently came home (I will be posting about this shortly) and we are working on our marriage. She told me that she was impressed that I did not beat up the OM. Especially since I outweighed him by about 60 lbs, and I weigh 185. And I am in decent shape. Not as good as when I started college, but I'm getting there. Sounds like you could probably kill the guy. <P>Someday, he'll get his. The Lord will take care of that. That, and what goes around, comes around. For the OM in my situation, it's come around.<P>Joe<BR>

Yeah, unfortunately kicking his butt is a lovebuster and would likely only push your W away. But man was i tempted. Still feel as you do that that the little s%&t didn't get what he had coming. However, I did get a great deal of pleasure imaging the scene after i called his W and gave her the truth about what was going on. He broke it off soon thereafter. <P>I always thought it would be fun to send the guy a box of those miniture condoms you can buy as gag gifts. With a note attached saying something about "for the sake of safety getting one that fits...."<P>

I don't even know OM. He lives 600 miles away. His wife made him call me to tell me of his affair with my wife. We only talked a few minutes while his wife listened on another extension. I called him back the next morning only to ask him why the affair began and why did it continue for 2+ years.<BR>He was somewhat reserved but did recant some of the questions I had already asked my wife. I could tell that my wife was more truthful with me than he was with his wife. Anyway, he said the affair was over. I told him that if had the urge to call my wife for any reason then I thought it would be best for him to call me first. He said he would. There can be NO CONTACT whatsoever between them again. No reason will be tolerated on my part. I have forgiven, but I can't forget and for us to make it through this they OM/and my wife) had better forget (each other). And yes, I could buy a round trip ticket just to relate to him how I feel. I know my wife was to blame also, but to OM telling her his own sob story to her and that they had so much in commom and that he cared for her just to get whatever he wanted (who knows what that was because when he got caught he ran home) is even a greater lie to her because she left me for him thinking he was a better deal. How can a man tell another woman he loves her and then run back to safety. Obviously his love was not in his heart.

That made me laugh too!!! Thanks a lot!!!<P>I would be willing to say "YES, that would be a rather large lovebuster" so no matter how much you may want to do it, DON'T!!! You can think about it if it will make you feel better, kinda run a video in your mind, but don't act on it.<P><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<BR>

Question for JoeJohn? You said what goes around comes around. How did your OM get it?

Is beating the crap out of OW a lovebuster? <BR>For me that was not the deterrant...JAIL was!! The thought of having a legal issue was way off base for me. <BR>So I envisioned the face and body on a big heavy bag taht hangs in my garage. I beat, kicked, punched and charged that bag for weeks! Great stress reliever and those ows died a hundred times over in my head and heart. Wore out a pair of gloves, but no lovebusters, no jail, no residual anger. It was the perfect solution...for this normally nonviolent woman. The depth of anger shocked ny kids, the dogs, and my h!!<BR>

Beating the crap out of him is a MAJOR LOVE BUSTER. I know from experience. Though I never laid a hand on the guy. I came within inches.<P>Befor W and I split up we were going to counsoling. There He asked me what would I do to him. I told him" pick up somthing, Hit him with it and then ask him if he slept with my wife? Do this three times if he said no then I would believe him. If he said yes, I wouldn't stop till I was satisfied" Then a few months later i was The period after drunk. I went to his house and went off, never hit him cause his son was out side. His wife then came out and called my W amd tol her I was there.<P>Point is its both of there faults and I would never Hit my W, and I didn't hurt my hands or go to jail, but my W was pissed off at me for weeks.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brown, I don't think I ever read a full accounting of this one. Yikes, I am so impressed with your control. Very impressed indeed. Was this the first time the wife knew about her h and your w? My oh my. <BR>dfloyd, no beating the crap out of anyone, no matter how much they deserve it and how much you want to see them bleed. You will we the loser, and you really don't need that. <BR>Get a punching bag instead. Do a search and read some of the things people have wanted to do/see happen to the op. All fantasy, all healthy to a point. No obsessing, no revenge, just some good venting of painful fleeting thoughts. Some of us can get pretty creative in our minds but no acting on those things! Not only is it illegal, but dangerous. Someone posted a very very sad incident involving the op, guns, and jail. Behave please.

Cl she knew somthing was up, but still to this day she thinks I'm crazy for thinkingg) it did<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

I think if the beating is tastefully done by a cult motorcycle gang and the mangled body is left somewhere in a shallow grave in some secluded county in Georgia where it will never be found, it should not be considered a major love buster.<P>If it is found, THEN major love buster!<P>Just kidding, I'm back on the Wellbutrin and starting to feel better. OM doesn't have to be beat up by a motorcycle gang. Just a few of your closest friends would do.<P>As long as you keep it a fantasy it's ok.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic