About a month ago I offered to pay off some additional money on debt that my H and I had acquired jointly, no strings attached - my H replied that it sounded good and he would get back to me with the loan number. He never did, so a few days ago I asked about it again. He replied that it was not part of an agreement we had made last fall. I agreed that it was not, but that he had seemed enthusiastic about it a month ago, and attached a copy of his email.<P>He also wanted me to respond point by point to his proposed settlement. I told him that I wanted to discuss it in person, to make sure that everything was clear to both of us.<P>He sent me an email this morning in which he said that agreements obviously meant nothing to me, that I was unwilling to negotiate in good faith, and that he was not going to talk to me about the proposals and was going to get a court ordered settlement.<P>How can he be angry that I offered to pay off some of the debt? How can he possibly think it is unreasonable for me to want to talk to him about the proposal? A few months ago, he suggested meeting for lunch(es) to discuss it. Everything he says, he changes his mind about, even if it was to his advantage to begin with. This is insane.

He sounds insane because he is. Anyone (including my h) who walks out of a long term marriage, loses everything they have, including the respect of their children, is insane.

I don't know anymore if it is insanity, or if it is just plain evil. He told me he doesn't want anymore discussion of settlement issues except through his lawyer. Maybe that would be better - hopefully his lawyer is at least rational. Nobody the least bit rational would get angry if someone offered to pay off their debt.<P>I suspect a lot of his refusal to negotiate is that the OW has forbidden him from spending any time with me or any time in our house. Over and over again, I have talked to him or emailed him at work, and he would say one thing, and then later would completely change his mind, after, I presume, talking to her. I don't understand how he could let someone control him like that. How can he not feel emasculated? It is bad enough that she has talked him into growing his hair past shoulder length, and often wearing it in a style that I have never seen on a man of any age, must less a 50 year old.