This is both a general post and some questions.<P>First, my wife called me at work Friday. She told me "I want to work things out." This is something I've been wanting to hear since she told me about the affair. <P>Was I happy? No. I was scared, nervous and confused. Two days before she had been telling me how much she loved the OM. Suddenly, she wants to work it out.<P>I was a little excited, though. So we agreed to talk that night. Evidently, she came to realize that she was "being played," lied to and manipulated. He had returned to his fiancee, but was telling my W that he "loved her like no one else" "didn't know what true love was before her." etc., etc. <P>I don't know why, or how, but my w called the OM's fiancee. They talked. <P>This weekend has had its ups and downs. Trust is very fragile, and I also am trying not to demand anything - staying away from those LB's - or to be selfish and angry. I am also trying not to rush.<P>So far, things have been pretty good. We've talked about going away for a couple of weekends, I am suggesting Dr. Harley's book but not pushing it, we're looking for a marriage counselor, and she has told me she loves me.<P>I am still nervous. It's still a little scary.<P>I will keep writing updates. I noticed, when I first got here, that I didn't see much of that - updates from people who went through and were in reconciliation. I hope that it can give someone hope.<P>So, what does anyone think? Can anyone relate? Tell me some of the difficulties I may be in?<P>Joe

Joe, <P>My h. too, had to experience disillustionment with the OW before we could rebuild. <P>This summer, a few months after the affair ended, he discovered that she had not, in fact, ended it to "work on her marriage", but rather to continue another affair that had overlapped with theirs. <P>Something that you may find your wife going through is depression over being rejected/played a fool. It is tempting to say 'I could have told you so'...or 'what did you expect, loyalty from a cheat?' <P>Try to give her room to deal with these things, and don't ask too many questions unless you are ready to hear some things that hurt.<P>You may also go through the feeling that you are being chosen because you are what's left. I went through that, and it is a dead end. Don't over-analyze why she wants to try, just be glad she does. Get a good counselor. We tried two others before we stayed with this one.<P>Withdrawal is long and very frustrating for the betrayed. Be patient. Post here when she ticks you off, but don't LB. We are three months post-confession and doing great! <P>Liz/Pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>