Here is a little somthing I put my heart to about a year and a half-life ago. <P><BR>To preface this my wife "Jill" was abused as a child , her mother worked and her father was an alcholic and abused and raped at least 3 of the 4 children in the family , including my wife --- she is the youngest and was about 4 at the first occurence . <P> Living through an abusive father and the unspeakable rape has cut deep wounds , the scars she will bear forever , anyone thinking that a persons childhood does not affect adulthood is SADLY MISTAKEN . They are scars in the lenses we look at life through.<BR> <BR> After falling out of love -- We are now trying to build a new marriage . We have come a long way and are going forward . Things seem alot better now than they used to be ...<P><BR> I haven't Shared this with HER yet but there will come a time ...<P><BR> My Love Undieing<P> I wait and give and give,<BR>you wait and heal and heal<BR>I give you heal,I give you criticize<BR>I love you but you see foolishness<BR>you think you are better than I<BR>if you criticize how can that be better<BR>maybe you wish I would criticize so<BR>you would be justified to shun me <BR>some tender moments but few ,the world pushes through<BR>and your emotions go wild in another direction<BR>I love you but you run and hide from the pain<BR>your pain hurts me too but there is nothing I can do<BR>not even lend a caring shoulder to lean on<BR>you have deep pain to hide from , a baby lost , <BR>a seemingly uncaring husband , a home a mess , 4 children to raise <BR>a memory of a painful past , a mountain on your head<BR>little glimpses of what you had to endure tear at my heart <BR>and tears cannot be stopped , but you've taken in stride <BR>the worst this world can hide <BR>I love you but you cannot feel it , the criticism has taken its due<BR>maybe you thought criticism would push me to be my best , but it robbed you<BR>criticism and unknowing pushed me into a survival rut <BR>you said it was over before I had a chance to try , <BR>I didn't know the criticism was a last desperate cry ,<BR>I've responded to your withdrawl and made a lot of changes <BR>I love you and I'm showing it , please forgive me for blowing it<BR>molding a new way seems very hard but our eternal goals will be our reward<BR>I know I'm asking alot from a person whose been through so much <BR>but I know that our heavenly fathers blessings <BR>will more than match any struggle we have to go through<BR>or any sacrifice we have to make , <BR>we've climbed many mountains and been through many valleys <BR>this valley seems the deepest , lets hold on to each other and find <BR>our way through the mist , even though we are at our finger tips lets<BR>get another grip and face our challenges together.<BR>then when we get to the end of the mist and start up the mountain<BR>on the other side we'll thank our heavenly father for our struggles<BR>and be closer to one another and be deeper in love than we have ever been <BR>for from this furnace will emerge a marriage celestial . <P> I love you Jill <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>
