It's been only three weeks today since D day for me. Probably the most difficult three weeks of my life so far. The pain and hurt have been agonizing. But, on the other hand my wife and I have had some of the most wonderful intimate (both sexual and non-sexual) times in our lives. I know we had this before but it has been so long for the both of us and it is so good to know it is still there. I know only time will heal my hurt and her guilt. We really are making an honest effort to make something that was so bad into something much better than we have ever had. We spend time each evening after dinner reading posts on this board. Although I have only posted a couple of times here and a few times on other boards I think I have been able to make decisions concerning my feelings regarding her infedility that I could have never done on my own. I know she feels so much guilt and pain for what she has done to us but as I have told her many times since D day "I forgive you unconditionally".<BR>I have told her that I think she would get a wonderful feeling of that forgiveness if she could only learn to post on this board. But, she is afraid she will be "bashed" for what she has done. I've told her to forget what she has done and to write about only what she plans to do now and forever. She is a wonderful person and is capable of giveing and receiving so much love. She can't understand how I was able to forgive her so easily for such a devastating sin. I told her that I had no choice. Our love means more to me than any mistake she could ever make. Please encourage her to post. She is already further along the road to recovery than I am as probably she should be. But I can see the same hurt in her eyes as she sees in mine. Thank God we have each other.

CRC's wife--<P>This is a great site to post feelings and get/give advice. Betrayed/Betrayers alike! <P>You won't get bashed. Read the other posts, there are many people here who are struggling STILL with OP issues. Sounds like you and CRC are taking positive steps toward rebuilding your marriage. What a wonderful thing! <P>We're all here...with our own sets of problems. But, we're here for each other.

CRC's wife...<P><B>Please come here to this forum...</B><P><B>There will be NO one here who will bash you</B>!<P>Our purpose is not just to help the betrayed... but the wayward spouse too!!! There are quite a few on this forum!<P>We're not here just for CRC... we're here for you... in some ways you'll have it harder. You'll need the support... <P>We care about <B>both</B> spouses in an affair... honest!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<BR>

Dear CRC's wife,<P>You belong here. Just like CRC, me, Lucks, Jim, Nb - everyone. We are all friends. We are all trying to heal. We all support each other.<P>Everyone here has made a mistake (or 2 or 20). That just means we're all human. The strength of our character doesn't lie in whether or not we've erred, but how we TRY to live our life in the future, even though we will make more mistakes then.<P>I do encourage you to post with us, to get to know us, to allow us to support you and care for you as we do CRC. I think you'll be surprised to find much here, support when you need it, shoulders to cry on, listeners when you need to yell, and true and good friends who will try to help you through anything. I have.<P>So, c'mon in. Give us a try. I think you'll be glad you did.<P>Lori

CRC's wife:<P>Actually... you might be bashed. But the bashing will be with your best interests at heart. We must all remember that there are alot of raw emotions around here. What one person considers advice, another person could consider bashing.<P>But, that is all the more reason for you to post. There are good people here. There are people that are in your position. There are other betrayers here (myself included). I've felt no ill will on the few occasions that I've been bashed. The so-called bashings have actually helped me gain some perspective. We all have the best of intentions here.<P>Please feel free to post!!!<BR>--andy

CRC's wife:<P>I wouldn't guarantee that you won't get bashed either. But there is an awful lot of good here, and it may help you to participate.<P>To take a look at an amazing story, go to the "Why Women Leave Men" section (and select the last 45 days worth of topics). Start reading Francis's story, starting with the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000123.html" TARGET=_blank>"miss the lovemaking"</A> post. Finish with her most recent posts. You'll see an truly astounding amount of recovery for what appeared (to her) to be a hopeless situation. It'll also give you a feel for some of the more "pointed" types of posts that you might receive from people like me. <P>This is a great place---most of the folks here have the best intentions. If you're up to it, you should feel free to participate.

CRC--<BR>Maybe your wife isn't so much afraid of being "bashed" by people on the forum, maybe she's afraid of hurting you by exposing her true feelings about the affair. I could be way off base...it sounds like your wife has been honest with you so far.<P>But, I know for me I would never want my husband reading some of the things I posted...especially at the beginning of my withdrawal.<P>However, if she's truly afraid of being "bashed" by people on the forum she has nothing to worry about. It's far better to take a little "bashing" than to keep your feelings and thoughts bottled up inside.

Holly, I was gonna say that too, but I forgot! Good point, and one that CRC should think about. If he really wants his wife to post, then he's gonna hafta brace himself for the bad emotions that will inevitably follow when he reads her posts.<P>My wife was reading my posts for a while, but she was continually hurt by them. Finally her councellor told her to stop reading.<P>--andy

Holly and airheart:<BR>I guess both of you may have hit the nail on the head. I don't know for sure. And, indeed I have thought of her thinking she would hurt me by posting her thoughts. If she has been completely honest with me then she should have nothing to worry about. Her affair lasted 2+ years. Obvisously there was something that made her go back. How much do I want to know of the affair? She told me she felt "connected" to OM and not because it was just physical but because of the bond they made that allowed them to communicate, hold each other, and tell each other how they felt about "things". Do I need to know the exact techniques they tried when they had sex together and the exact things they did together (eat ice cream or take a bike ride) or non-sexual touching (light kisses on the face, etc.)? Some of these things she has told me but obvisously not everything. We know why she had the affair. We are just thankful that despite the price we are paying we maybe have found someething better in ourselves. I believe OM is out of her heart. No she probably will never forget him. But, I don't have to remind her of him either by bringing up her mistake. Again, back to your reply, if she has been completely honest with me then she will be able to post and accept that I can read it knowing that what we have is truly wonderful.

CRC, it won't be just the numerous details of the affair that will hurt you. It will be reading how she misses him, how she is having a hard time getting her feelings back for you or whatever... You would be exposing yourself to alot of punishment by reading those posts. Even though you know that stuff, it's different reading them being told to someone else. It will hit you in a different way. Beware... that's all we're saying.<P>--andy

I completely understand what you are saying.<BR>Believe me I know it would hurt, but she has told me that OM is not part of her life anymore and that all along she was living in two different worlds (one real--us and one fantasy--them). I'm not afaid of the truth. And, I cannot stand another lie. Sure she had a "connection" with OM, but she (I really believe) is glad that D day finally happened. It maybe put closure on what she knew wasn't real. Thanks again, I'm hoping I'm right in believing she is completely honest.

CRC,<BR>I'm going on my third week of D day myself. No intimacy between H and I yet. Had to wait on test results. A double whammy. Good to hear how you and W are working things out and what you said about forgiving her unconditionally and that your love means more than any mistakes made. She is a lucky woman. I have talked to my H about reading and posting hear to help him work on himself.<BR>I don't know if he will but I believe that even though it may be difficult for you to read if your W posts, it may help both of you gain helpfull insights. We all need help now, the betrayer as well as the betrayed. <BR>God Bless and hope to welcome your W soon.