Feeling very sad today again. So sad that it drove me to write yet another poem:<P>FAMILY MAN<P>No matter how much I seem to try<BR>I cannot help but start to cry<P>It all seems hopeless in endless pain<BR>What is the future what is to gain<P>As a child I've always wanted to be a family man<BR>playing with matchbox cars as I played and ran<P>A spouse to care for, children to raise<BR>A legacy to leave<BR>Grandchildren I dream to see<P>To see the joy in my children's eyes<BR>Or them to see my deep pain inside<P>To laugh I must try<BR>And bring the joy that has died<P>"Oh please don't divorce oh why must you fight" <BR>"Oh please won't you try"<BR>says my little princess who can't understand why<P>I've tried to explain to her<BR>This crazy thing mom has done<BR>Too young to understand<BR>Wants both parents home<P>As I climb the mountain I see another mountain, and another<BR>Each one taller than the previous one<BR>Each one more terrifying and impossible to climb<P>"Oh Lord you know how hard I tried"<BR>But I need to know the reasons why<P>Why can't you tell me when I cry in despair<BR>I need you to hold me, I feel life's just not fair<P>All I ever wanted was to be a family man<BR>And a family you gave<BR>How easy it was taken away<BR>The ones I must now save<P>Only four months have gone by<BR>I remember my heart and how it had died<P>No, it wasn't killed by a bullet, that would be to quick and still my heart could prevail It was not killed by a knife, a painful death I'm sure indeed but that too could also fail<P>No, it wasn't the Mack truck<BR>As it struck back and forth<P>It was killed by betrayal!<BR>A killer that never fails<BR>As a hammer when it meets a nail<P>Yes, love you give and pain you get<BR>I wonder when my heart will mend<BR>You Lord have promised come what may<BR>You will be with me 'till the very end<BR>Oh come Lord Jesus I'm one heart beat away<BR>