Please, please can you give me advice on the following.<p> I am currently married, but don't know for how long, we were married last July and had been fine up to about 3 months ago. We had made a shocking discovery that I had contracted HPV or the human papiloma virus (commonoly known as genital warts) from a relationship I had before I met my wife. I found out that the virus is with me for the rest of my life and that it is contagious. Even though it can be treated, it may recur at any time and I could pass it on to my wife.<p>I have always been faithful to her and have never so much as thought of having an affair. As far as I know she has likewise been faithful to me, but I have some doubts as she does show some of the signs of infidelity even though she said she would not cheat on me but would rather leave if she thought she was going to cheat on me. She told me that she has nothing to hide from me, that I am being paranoid, posesive, insecure, etc., but is it not true that the spouse is always the last one to find out about an affair?<p>She said that if it was not for the HPV that we would work, but she can not get it out of her mind that it is there and always will be. She says that she loves me but does not love me enough to want to work through it. Our sex lives have pretty much fizzled out, and she said that she can't bring herself to touch me or show any type of affection without thinking about warts. We don't even so much as hug anymore and I can't even remember the last time we kissed! She feels as though I have ruined our marriage. She also told me that she loves me but not the way a wife should love a husband but more as a "friend". She says she is confused right now and doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't want to go to counseling because she feels all they will do is try and "brainwash" her into feeling something that she might not feel. Some days she is fine and willing to work through it and other days she isn't. She feels we should seperate first before we do anything"drastic", but I feel that if someone wants to seperate that they are basically trying to throw in the towel and say that there is really no hope for us. Am I wrong? She has been going out allot more with friends most of which are single and are probably influencing her in the fact that "hey this is what your missing out on since you got married" Sometimes when she goes out she will meet up with a guy who she says is just a friend, but they text each other quite often and call quite frequently (only on their cell phones)! Am I wrong to think that this is more than just a friend or is it a start of an emotional affair?<p>She says she feels that we might have rushed into our marriage (we were cohabitating a year before we were married). She says that she is very independent and misses her independency. I have never been horrible to her, I have never taken her independency from her, if she wants to go out, I let her, I don't ask 50 questions of "where are you going", "with who", "what will you be doing" etc. I have never taken advantage of her, I make her bubble baths, cook most of the dinners, take care of her when she is ill. I have for the most part treated her like the queen. I am not ready to end this marriage and feel as though there is still a chance for us even if it means to take small steps to get back to where we once were. But I feel as though she sees it as hopeless and one day in the not to distant future she will call it "quits". Am I right to try and work it out or do I need to face the music and move on, what should I do? Am I being paranoid about her cheating on me or could I be right? Is it a lost cause? PLEASE give me some useful advice for I really don't know where to go from here, but I don't want to lose my wife and more importantly my best friend!

HPV is more common than you could possibly know, many people have it for years and never have a clue, it can cause cervical cancer, and could have been picked up before either one of you new each other, even when you were teens if you were active, I dont think this should be something you should break your marriage over, I think you should both talk to the dr, to get a better understanding, Dont jump to conclusions that one of you has cheated.

jhon doe, You guys definetly need to seek counseling. Your wife needs to face the fact that she has the disease already. It only takes one time and you found out 3 months after your marriage. All she is going to do is pass it to someone else and she probably was the one that gave it to you. I hope it works out for you.

You might want to move this post over to EMotional Needs.. there is more traffic over there and you may get more responses.. <p>
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