An email I sent to my wife. Feel free to tweak it to fit your needs:

I was really hoping to see you today. But as much as it hurts, I understand if you didn't want to see me. I am in so much pain right now and my instinct is telling me to run to you. You are the most beautiful woman and my heart beats for no other.



I am so lonely without you in my life. It seems like I have never before felt such emptiness and at the same time, so much love for you. But, then I realize that these feelings of love for you have always burned deep inside me.



Now, I find myself open and exposed in a place that I used be comfortable in. I feel defenseless here, but I am not afraid. I believe that we can make it through this dark time. And not just “make it through”, but discover happiness and love that is so strong, it can be broken by no one. I truly believe this and I believe that you deserve nothing less. You mean everything to me and I would not say these words to you if I did not have faith in them myself. I would have walked away long ago if that was the case.



You are truly wonderful in so many ways and I will stand by you through everything that this life has to throw at us. I will protect you from your fears, be a light for you in the night, warmth for you when you are cold, a shoulder to cry on, and I will have you soar so high that you will never want to or have to touch the ground. This I swear to you. I love you always.

You are saying all the right words...just don't say them to her right now! Trust the literature, books, articles, and personal experiences. Your first instinct is to run to her side and show her how much you need her and love her and want her to be your wife. Everything I've learned from reading and going to counseling is to do the OPPOSITE of what you would normally do to fix a relationship problem, when your wife is withdrawn.

She needs space. This letter is going to suffocate her for sure. She needs time. This letter will pressure her to make a decision now. If you want a decision now, be prepared for the decision you fear the most. I've been separated from my wife of almost 12 years for nearly 2 months. It is a slow and agonizing process. She doesn't touch me, hug me, hold my hand, she barely tolerates my existence, and she is totally vague about where she stands on just about anything...noncommittal about the future for sure.

But one thing's for sure. YOU don't have a decision in this, but you can have an effect on it by focussing on your own healing, becoming stronger, showing less signs of weakness around her, not being so clingy, etc. Read books like "Divorce Remedy" and "Dance of Intimacy". Both are written by women and are very good for helping you understand your roll in not only what put you here, but how you can help pull the two of you out of it.

Unfortunately I sent this one already, but I will heed your advice and look into those books. Thanks!